Sunday, March 10, 2013

never say never

Neglected you for months, huh? 
Guess he wasn't an issue anymore.
It's funny how some stuff can provoke you so much in that few months that now after some time it just didn't really matter much anymore. It still does leave that tingling feeling on and off but it just wasn't as serious. 

Well, things have been busy and tiring but it was for all the good reasons. CNY celebration, sister's college admission, study loan etc, work, work and more work. It was all adaptable until tonight I am so fucking pissed off. Just saw red instantly. 

I couldn't believe my ears. I do comprehend that everyone is different. I wasn't talking bout physical appearances or finance capabilities, I'm stating my point at personalities and maybe the levels of common sense.

Everyone starts stupid. That's harsh but true. Newborns don't walk on their first day. They wriggle around, crawling, stumbling, falling and failing and then fall and fall and fall then they learn to walk 'professionally' and permanently. It's unlikely of you that when the baby take his first step and fall right on his nose, you stop him from trying and learning for like ever? You let them try and fall and try. My point here fking TRY. 

You have to always at least try. Try to learn, try to do, try to accommodate, try to adapt, try to give, try to go... Try! You never try you will never know. You will never find out what are your limits! What you can do or what you can't do. You won't know because everyone is spoon feeding you in every way you can think of, will you still try or have the initiative to achieve things on your own when every little step is readily prepared for you to just plant your gentle feet on it? You'll walk through it like a breeze without realizing what you can do for yourself. What you can surprise yourself with. Because you haven't worries. You just follow the "procedures". 

It's not to force you to start a crime or kill someone, or any illegal acts. It's just a start of your daily life matters. Learning and experimenting. 

I was too once a 17 year old girl who was also scared of stepping into the world of cruelty all by her own. Taking my first public transport, my first orientation day, my first driving-on-my-own day, my first time talking to a stranger, my first walking through a quiet back alley, my first time being molested in the train station, my first time in everything.. I do know the feeling of fear. Language might not be a barrier but the fear of trying do occur. The fear of trying is so unpredictable. Till at some point of being scared all the time just make you realize that you have to do something, change for the better. You just got to step up. If you don't help yourself who will? You have to start learning. I learnt things the ugly way too, I am not born knowing everything I know today. I may sound like know-it-all bitch now to you but why didn't it occurred to you that what makes me who I am today that I can eventually tell you to go experiment your own world.. You never get the same minute twice, then why don't you at least give yourself a chance to try to explore it on your own? If things go wrong, try it another way. Learn from mistakes. We can guide you but not do things for you. Period. 

At the end of the day, I'm just a black sheep. A negative black sheep that is allegedly "targeted" to have no concern, no understanding or no worries because I'm claimed as being cold hearted and selfish. Hence no one wants to tell me anything because I speak the ugly truth. What's wrong with believing in learning, trying and experimenting, and being dependent? Ask yourself how many people out there that you can depend on every single day on every single thing, doing it on a repetitive daily basis mode? What if one day the spoon feeding just stop? No next step plans, nothing is prepared for you.. Perhaps that's when you crumble and fall because you never never know how to try or how to convey things on your own. Never know how to do things on you own. 

What's your issue? 
Unsure of things as simple as finding a car parking?