quizzes and haizzes

hello!! after some time off blogging

was kinda busy with quizzes and deadlines..
classes.. movie marathons.. freelance..
argghhhhhhh~~~ busy busy busy

past week quizzes were seriously horrible..
2 exams.. building science & contract and law.
UGH!!
as usual i did not study...
and as usual i just flipped through the notes an hour before i sleep


Building Science

Building science this semester is seriously hard to understand, nore particularly on thermal comfort, thermal this and that, shading design.. overshadowing, solar control, solar this that sun that this that this - takkan stop punya, lagi-lagi got mathematical problems... Feels like going back to Eddie Tay's Add. Maths class. Thus, no matter how many times i read repeatedly.. still taking my time to digest all the words.. sometimes during lecture, I'll ask the rest.. "understand kar?" Most of the answers I've got, "ERrrr no wor.. " Then followed by an soft fart of laughter.

Nevertheless, Linlin gave us this website http://www.squ1.com/archive/ for more visual understanding than the notes. And it was cool for her that she allowed us an open-book test.. BUT she suka-hati-nya said that, "Even I give you guys an open-book test, it won't help much.. it might not even help u guys at all.." Followed by "evil laughter"... UGhhhH!!~~

This is a stereographic diagram. It is used to represent the sun's changing position in the sky throughout the day and year. Interesting lehhhh?? Don't you wish you're in my class.. hahahahah... Syok sendiri.

I do admit that it is interesting to have Building Science class, because eventhough it is SCIENCE.. but it's not bored. Serious. Having Linlin as our B.Science lecturer is so much better than having Koshi as my Chem teacher back in High School. Beh tahan Koshy man!! YUCKS!!

*click to animate*

Well, this diagram showing the process required to read azimuth and altitude values from a stereographic diagram. To read the sun position and all.

a mathematical prob... interesting one.. after SO long since SPM I've done a calculation formula unlike those kacang tan,cos & sin with Edwin back in limkokwing.

Anyway the 2 diagrams above are all about -

1. Horizontal Shadow Angle (HSA)

HSA = azimuth - orientation

2. Vertical Shadow Angle (VSA)

VSA = atan [tan(altitude) / cos(HSA)]

It is the VSA that determines the depth of the required shade.
The diagram above more adequately describes the derivation of the VSA

Understand? Hahahha.. I took 2 lectures to get it.


Next quiz...


Contract and Law

one word is describe it.. WORDS!!!!!
Gosh man.. it is all WORDS WORDS WORDSSS!!~~~
and initials!!! What is LA?? DLP ?? TTD?? LAD???
Tough.. toughh.. toughhhhhhhhhh~~~~~ Susahhhhhhhzzzzzz

*click to enlarge*

Tender, tenderers, procedures, contracts, contractors... clauses.. classes.. akta's, rules, regulations, insurance... Am so going ga-ga over the quiz.. Seriously hoping I won't flunk this cos this module is the one that gonna confirm my honours at the end of the day

Siao liao lor.

Sibeh a lot of notes leh.. the notes given was so easy to comprehend.. but the questions on the bloody quiz paper.. u really GOTTA crack ur brainzz...

Berny, guess who is my contract & law lecturer?? Hehe


Minor

I haven't really start on building my model. Haiz.
Starting tomorrow to make it all up and planning to finish ALL by evening.
ERrmm.. ok la ok laaa... at least by Monday night.
HAhahhaha..

Well, who knows I can make that happen? hehe


Kerja lagi ?

and adding more to my already-stressed-list, i'm back to work..
err.. part-time back to my old office at kota kemuning with a different boss..

huh? good news? or bad news? i ought to find out.. teeheee..

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hey.. i need moneyyy.. anyone can help donating some extra money that you don't need??

hehehhe.. ignore me as i'm full of nuts. Cap tangan to be exact.

my dear dearrr... frownkie J

Its early in the morning
And my heart is really lonely
Just thinkin bout you baby
Got me twisted in the head
And I dont know how to take it
But its driving me so crazy
I dont know if its right
I'm tossin turning in my bed
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me weak...
I'm feeling hopeless in my home
I dont know what to do but I think I'm in love
Baby...




Dunno why, but this phrase have been spinning in my head for the past hours today.
Love you, Frankie J. Totally obsessed with you.





p/s : ZhongHao my misser, sorry I made u 'flood' your keyboard. I'll buy you a new one, but too bad.. that keyboard ain't yours. =P

ming my mind

Ming wrote me this poem... spontaneously outta nowhere...

u need love

u need a man to care

to love and moments to share

a smile that last

but at the same time you lust

together you dwell within his arms you touch

whisperin all that sappy love songs and such

love in denial i seek for another

in hopin for one that fits to be my baby's father

here's my seed, take it and plant it well

so that in years to come i've got stories to tell

to my kids, my grandsons and everyone around

before i hit six feet deep under the ground

dead

- ming -

Now the big question is - Who is my cool friend friend Ming ?

one of my most romantica-delicious-thinking-man-friend-whose-voice-I-love-so-much.

*slurps* i'm paid to do this

For more info on this "fantastica guy", click on Ming the SuperbStar

birthday again!!~ good or bad? - part 2 -

Narh. Stop bugging me. Hehehehe
My 22nd Birthday Pics. A lot of pics, I lazy to upload one by one.
So just compile the whole shits up.

Enjoy!!~

(some are not meant to be seen but just for the sake of kena forced to load up, that's why it's accidently 'messed-up' =P)


To refresh your mind on that day's post. Click here




Walked in - All of them in there.. even Redzwan.
Wow!! Balloonss!! with messages.
(ya.. Tung... the "fuck-u-michelle".. I still remember)
I'm touched!! veryyyy....

UNTIL

Kena forced by Queen-of-ALL-FORCES >>> Daryle.
To stand on that high high stool to give an ASS speech.
Ugh!!





Secret Recipe. One of the sibeh high-class restaurant around that area.
Hahahaha.. Yeah.. whole day full of pranks!!
Enjoyed.. but DARN!!~ hahahahaha



Thanks guys again!! Muaks muaks.
Hehehehe Love ya.


- the blur queen of THAT day -


ps: pictures *click to enlarge*

dying love.

Do you know how it feels
when someone you ever love so much
just died all of the sudden
without even a goodbye?



I do.



It felt exactly just like this.

bloOody fingers

Fuuuhh!~
Woke up at 12 this afternoon. Didn't know I was so damn tired. Probably because of the 2-3 seconds "black-out" yesterday. *gulped* No big deal ok guys.. don't make a fuss outta it. I'm just tired, a lot of things in my mind BUT I'm good.

I was so ready and energized to do my BQ (Bill of Quantities) for my Contract & Law, mana tau my mom asked me to help her in the kitchen. DAMN man. Crap always happens when I wanted to do my own shits. So I was sitting there, helping her to like cut few hundreds apples, pears etc etc (to be more exact.. less than 20 la ok.. I'm just exaggerating) to make fruit rojak. *rolled eyes* ah-DUH!!

So instead of chopping the fruits into pieces, I chopped my own bloody fingers. DAMN!!!! Hate Fuji Apples!! Please don't buy Fuji Apples ok.. Fuck man. It's not edible ok, it sucks!! not as sweet as those really RED apples, BIG and slippery. Serious. OK ok I might be stupid in this but I know my ways around knife ok. Today that fucking apples just slipped of my hand, causing 2 fingers circled with "red ribbons".

The blood just won't stop dripping. I put it under the running water.. It just doesn't make any difference. The blood just flow, flow, flow, flow.. drip drip drip drip none stop. Fed up. Went looking for plaster. The blood just drip drip drip on the floor.

So the lesson I've learnt today based on my bloody fingers is that..
If I want to commit suicide next time, I won't do stupid things like cutting my wrist & bleed to death. Fuck man. It hurts ok!! I rather jump down the building & die straight with broken skulls & bones. At least I don't have to go through the long dying process of bleeding & suffering.
And if you guys wanna KILL me rite.. please don't stab me. Just push me off a cliff.

I want to die quick. NOT in SLOW PACE.

Thank you.

Remember previously I was making seriously a lot of noise, ever since that I lose my phone, I was using an extra phone sadly a 3310 and desperately wanna change to another new "more advanced" phone cos Izwan just couldn't stop fooling about it.

Guess what? I've changed my mind. I'm sticking to this old brick till I feel like getting a new one.

Because nobody's caling me anymore and the rings are getting lesser and lesser. Same goes to sms'es. So what's the point of getting a better phone?

Well.. to new phone... see how ler..




Shit. The blood caked my plaster dy. Gotta change it.
Help. I'm losing blood.

oh~.. online quizzes

Was so bored today. Seriously.
Did some online quizzes. Seriously.
Got some unexpected results. Seriously.
Well. Some of the answers are really really true.

SERIOUSLY.

*speechless*

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your Luck Quotient: 53%

You have an average luck quotient. There's been times when you've been extremely lucky... but also times when you've been very unlucky. You probably know that you can make your own luck in life, if you're open to it. So listen to your intuition as much as you can. It's right more often than you might expect.

How Lucky Are You?

You Are 44% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is in a very different place (both physically and mentally) from where you are right now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Should Be a Romance Novelist

You see the world as it should be, and this goes double for all matters of the heart. You can find the romance in any situation, and you would make a talented romance story writer... And while you may be a traditional romantic, you're just as likely to be drawn to quirky or dark love stories. As long as it deals with infatuation, heartbreak, and soul mates - you could write it.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's Your Personality Type?

not happy, but not sad

Today.
Not happy.
But not sad.
Just disturbed.
Guess the pathetic look must be plastered all over my face today.
No wonder suddenly Chloe was so concerned.
I'm not romantically involved.
But I felt so heartbroken.
Probably.
A friend is not exactly being a friend.
Like how it is supposed to be.

Anyway, Minor2 today.. RESTLESS.
To build a 40Wx40Lx50H model with preferably recycled materials.
Based on the movie "The Dark City" concept.

A BIG FAT BUT...
I was moodless.
Daryle was crazy.
Tung was gayish.
Izwan was having fun.
Annie was in her own world.
Chloe was yawning like hell.
Farah was ding ding dong dong.
Phoenix was so stressed.
Redzwan - enjoying whatever he was doing like a little boy.

So. We did crazy things in studio. AGAIN.





Some materials I've been tearing it apart for the whole afternoon.
Daryle brought some old old OLD mobiles.
Super OLD. Batteries as big as a remote control.
Motorala Flip and OLD OLD Nokia brick phone with a long antenna.



Some studio, huh?
Pointed = some model set-up using pc monitor & motorcycle parts.



I really don't know what happened. Seriously.
Brain-malfunctioned.



Tung's period. Red jelak kau-kau sauces. Our tea-break.



Power Rangers or Ultraman???
That thing on his wrist is that old Motoral Flip phone screen. Sigh.



The whole afternoon, it was ALL about screwing.
No wonder Izwan was having fun. =P



Bored without Farah, huh?



Now you see it.
No worries. They weren't kissing.
Trying to act like kena strangled by EVIL Tung behind.
But ended up looking like lesbians frenching & licking.
Bleughhh!!!~

Despite all above, dinner tonight with HuayPin & Yvonne went well.
Planned to meet up once every week for dinner at Station1 Cafe.
Not bad.
Nice atmosphere.
Good hang-out place.
Most importantly - cute guys.


Goodnight.

a morning when everything became crystal clear

I was lazing on my bed in the dark, tugging on strands of fuzz from my fluffly pillow, counting numerous sizes of glowed-stars at the ceiling, trying to find the inner peace in myself. I knew the problems exist but yet I have got no idea on how to solve it to satisfy all parties, to stay away from sticky situations.


I said to myself, "What should I do?"

What in the world is happening to me? Honestly I think I live a good life, but yet constantly complained about the dreadfulness. I tend to dream big, but I worry that my dreams aren't attainable. Life is so filled with surprises, laughter, positivity and of course, sorrow. But as pig-headed as I am, I'm always thinking too much because the sorrows always leave the most impact scar comparable to happy ones. Sad case, huh?

This morning, unexpected I met someone right under my nose whom I've heard a lot about but never ever EVER think of meeting in real. Can't believe the world is SO small that of all places, we've actually been under the same roof since I have first stepped into the building. When you least expects it, it always happen outta nowhere.

When you have already left the past way behind you, it came slapping you right on your face. HARD. Suddenly every missing pieces of the previous puzzle fitted perfectly and everything became crystal clear. "Perfecto".

I asked myself, "Why is this even happening?"

On the other hand, getting to know a new person, gaining new trust, developing new feelings always end up with WHENs.
When he tells you, "I'll always be there for you no matter what happens", just take it as a big CON, and you have to be ready you're soon to lose him. BIG TIME.
When he easily tells you, "We're should get together", you can kick in his nuts because you are scarred from your previous easy-come-easy-go relationships.
When you rejected him, he'll still say "I'll wait" but at the meantime, he's on his way catching another bus heading downtown, far away from you.
When you trust him, he'll suddenly betray you.
When you're about to have good thoughts about him, he will suddenly disappoint you.

When he tells you, "I'm different from the rest", just shrug it off cos it's always the SAME ending.
When you're making yourself more easy-to-get along with, it'll always turn out catastrophic.
When you tell him your feelings, he can't take it & start to throw temper tantrums at you.
When he tells you his feelings, you just have to admit your flaws with no hesitations.
When you're heartbroken, he's nowhere in sight, he just walks off.
When you complained on all these "WHENs", people will tell you; this is just part & parcel of life. Like DUH!~

I tried to control myself from despising problematic attitudes, controlling my own fucking temper but nothing is ever satisfying. At times I do experience extreme jealousy, holding enough self-control, introducing my own ways of violence & abuse, but I OFTEN JUST FANTASIZE about it. It do have a way of calming me down though I know it ain't happening in REAL.


"I'm sick of this. I can't stand myself anymore. When am I going to be happy?"


"How could me asking for happiness, I thought to myself. Didn't I say that best one could expect was a return to "common unhappiness?" Yet my yearning was heartfelt. How could I possibly address it without being misleading?"

You think I'm crazy? Unreasonable? Pathetic?
So how to not make you think so?

*Sometimes I'm too tired to even bother anymore*
Be myself? I am myself.
Don't assume who you think I am, ok? That is your version of ME. Not the REAL me.
If you can't accept me as who I truly am, then what more can I say right? I'm not a sketchbook with empty pages that you can scribble your shits on.




I promise to rub off all my pessimistic thoughts by end of this year. ENTIRELY. *fingers crossed*




You can stop calling. You can stop replying. You can get all frustrated with me. You can scream your lungs out at me. You can leave me alone. You can blame your ass out at me. And don't be sorry if you don't think you are. The fact is you don't owe me anything till you HAVE to treat me nice even when you don't want to. I'm speechless. I no longer have the strength to amend the misunderstandings. Sometimes I don't even have the energy to even care. Just let it be your choice. I'm tired of being heartbroken.

F'ed up night

Currently listening to..

The Veronicas - When It All Falls Apart

Why?
Plainly because..

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart

Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart

Gotta pick myself up where do I start

'Cos I can't turn to you when it all falls apart

No...

I'm so bummed today.
Fortunately dinner date with Yvonne went well.
Crazy girl. O__0


The mp3 track just switched to...

Samsons - Kenangan Yang Terindah

"Adalah yang terbaik untukmu, Kan kujadikan kau, Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku"

Ending this post now.

I'm getting emotional.

a skeleton weirdo

A year & a few months ago..

You underpaid me..
> I was stupid ONCE. I needed to explore more

When I wanna quit, then only you come running telling me, you know you're underpaying me & that you’re willing to pay what I expected my ass to worth?
> WTF? Selfish shit'tard. Face the reality baby!!~

Things that you once said before, smugly, you never even manage to get ONE done.
> BIG blowfish~

You weren't even there on our last day.
> save dinner bill whattt... not to mention OT = no cash = no dinner = no nothing

You declared that you were busy ever since you wrapped your fingers in a new 'listed' band-aid.
> The world is spinning, not only you're breathing. I AM FREAKING BUSY TOO OK!!

Cut your crap. I just want my money back.
> Mana lu punya company? Bubar to bubur already lar ass. PAY UP LAR!!! If you can tell us how expensive you worth & how many new things you possess, CAN’T YOU JUST PAY ME BACK MY FEW HUNDRED BUCKS!!!
> You met up with the rest. YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME! Then how am I going to pass the 'paper' to you. So if I can't find the paper, you ain't paying me larrr???? CHEAPO!! EVERYTIME you said you're busy, seldom pick up my calls or reply my smses. So what am I supposed to do?? Why must you act like you're one big ass with a huge L tattooed on your forehead. SISSY.
> You might think I'm making a big deal outta a few hundred bucks.. BUT THE THING IS THAT YOU'RE ACTING LIKE ONE WRINKLED G-STRING THAT'S SELLING CHEAP!!!!

I'm not a STORE ROOM. If you think I am, PAY THE RENTAL LARR!!!
> You're SO dying to get all those dumbshits outta there 'cause you don't want this particular person to have it. FINE.
> You wanna keep all those shits in my house. FINE.
> You said temporary MAX 1 month. FINE.
> After 2 months, you say you looking for a new place and that you were paiseh. FINE.
> You even left a huge mass in your old nest & expecting them to clean up after you??? Didn't you been taught to clean your own shits?

THE WORST NOW THAT YOU GOT YOUR OWN FREAKING NEW HOUSE. YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL UP TO GET ALL YOUR OLD DUSTY CRAPS OUTTA MY HOUSE. I DON'T RARE SPIDERS. AND I DON'T PLAN TO GET ONE.

That's why. I don't understand some weirdoes nowadays. I only live my life up to 22 years. I KNOW WHAT HUMAN RULES & MORAL VALUES ARE. You live a bloody 10 years ahead me!!! You don't know even how to act like a normal human being without being SO SELFISH!!!!!

Of all you have done.. I really get pissed off. You don't even know the meaning of 'humble pie'. You just crap all you want, making others' negativity as your daily-routine jokes. And YOU NEVER MEANT ANYTHING YOU SAID!!! PLEASE okaayyy.. I HAD ENOUGH. LONG TIME AGO. TONIGHT I JUST BLEW IT!!!!

Though we know your attitude, but WE DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE TO IT COS WE DON'T OWE YOU SHITS. And you're not the only one freaking ass breathing in this fucking complicated world ok. Just get a grip! ARGHHH!!!

ps : I really need to blog this out cos the fire is fuming on top of my head & it ain't goin off till I don't know when.

u told me... again..

Told me it will be different
Told me it is incomparable
Told me history won't recur
Told me things will change
Told me not to be naive
Told me to trust you
Told me it is not what I think it was
Told me to give it a new perception
But you forgot to tell me, it is all meant for Broadway.

It is all a big-FAKE-con-fraud-Pretense

I just want life to be as normal as it should be
I just want life to be as peaceful as it can be
I just want life to be as innocent as it used to be
I just want to live a good life
I just want everything back to normal

Can I?
Is it all in my hands or yours?




Tell me.

anger is controlling me..

If you are going to be so pig-headed in thinking your own ways, you'll never get my way of thinking because you just ain't understanding it or making an effort to comprehend it.

Why?

Duh. PIG

I'm so tired of explaining all those shits when you just so not getting into the same path as where I am heading.

If you seriously just NOT going to filter the dirts of your brain & suggesting silly stupid things (like as if it's gonna solve anything) then what you expect me to do?

What can I say?
How can I think?
What can I do?
Do I have to rights to?

THE REAL QUESTION IS >>>> Why should I EVEN bother?


I can't think your way.. You can't think mine. The problem that occured was not even WHAT YOU ARE THINKING NOW!!!!~ It is just all SO WRONG!!~~

Do you know that???

NO.

Why?

Duh. PIG


Then again... you just think that everything is a big FAT sissy matter that I make it SO big because I simply need some anger-management consultation & fixing my fucking attitude right?

From today on, I won't say anything.
I won't even tell you how I feel or what I think.
And please.. don't even bother to ask me okay??
Because with asking & without asking..
it doesn't make any shit difference.

Just admit it.

I'll be a mute ass from now on. Whatever you think of me, I can't change. Whatever you plan to finish me up, I'll leave it all to you. I'll just bloody accept it.

At the end of the day.. you still think I'm full of pathetic craps.

birthday again!!~ good or bad?

happy birthday to MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a YEAR OLDER..!!! 22 already...

Turning into some unoccupied, unwanted, picky, crappy fugly old witchy bitchy hag.

It's nearer to my damn grave..
Like what my cousin say... no more 'pok pok chui' alreadyyy!!~

Birthday was a blast.. Thanks to everyone involved that made my born-day so happeningg... Every calls & smses do means a whole lot shits to me. MUAKS!!~ I really did not plan anything to celebrate as I thought it may just be another ordinary day like every other day, but I was kinda happy & touched in a way that everything ended up unexpectedly great.

Cass.. really glad that you remembered & called all the way from London. Can't wait for you to be back.

ChoonWee.. So shocked that you're back in Perth again. Perth & KL to you are just like.. 1km distance neighbour, hor? Thanks for ya call. You never miss my bday any year. Hugs.

Kelvin.. lotsa cuddlyy hugs for being there from the 1st second till the lasttt.. Muakss!!~ Oh ya..and the shy shy part 1 (in mamak) & part 2 (back home) bday song.. *he forced me to blog on the so-called-present-songg*

Daryle, Chloe, Farah, Tung & the whole lot rest of "designers"... thanks for the balloon-attack & bombshell ass-speech on the "stuck-up" stool. DARN.

Huaypin & Yvonne.. APPRECIATED it.. to the MAX!!~

For those who did not wish me... you guys can just...

FARKKkkkkk OOoooFFFFffffffffffffffff!!~~~

narhhh... just kidding!! .. I love you guys as alwayss.... I'm not that so bimbo airheaded okayyz.. **huGgss**

0_o

I have learnt a "moral of a birthday" actually..

For more info - ask Daryle. Hehehhe..
muaks muakkkss~~~ hehehehehe *uncontrollable giggles*

ps: more pics coming your way..as soon as I get my hands on them. =P

Again.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO me!!!~~~

For a better life ahead.

Dear God, Less obstacles pls.

my scattered words formed a poem

Lonely night. Restless night. I wrote a poem outta nowhere..

Confusion
Leads to the thoughts I once knew
Those simple words
Those million feelings
To love or to hate
To cherish or to not
To give you my potion
Of my heart and soul
But what is your retort?
Sleepless night
Starless sky
Numbness stay
My heart fucked
My soul raped
My feelings torn
No where to turn
Unseen forces
Lost and confused
Looking for heaven
Hell is what I've found

I find myself wondering
The coldness of your heart is so true
With you, so isolated away
Everything seems so wrong
Why is it blinking in this way?
Without me, you're free to go
To taste the freedom you always wanted
You will have the bliss
But an empty one
Without you, I'm here alone
Leaving down traces of our once so-true love
Pain filling up your absence
Into a new life to begin with
In this lonely world
I have reached the abyss of my life

Your heart, your thoughts,
Your once upon a time genuine words,
Nothing is real
Except my silent falling tears
To know you,
feel you, touch you,
Life never been the same
My heart flutters
to regret or to not
Rather to not know you at all
To not, I might not get to feel
The warm butterfly kisses you gave
To not get teddy bear hugs
To not listen to sweet lingering soft whispered words
Making my heart beats twice as fast
But something pulled me back
I ran away before we could make it happen
The voice of reason
The echo of footsteps
The cold breeze reminds me
You are never here to stay
What you ever told me before
It is all written in the sky tonight
No longer will I feel the sharpened blade
Of hurt, pain and suffer
Knowing you're once there for me to hold
To embrace, the fearless of unknown,
Tears streamed down once again
Burning my eyes
Time heals all wound
This is a lie
An eternal gift
A absolute devotion
Cease to walk the face of earth
And I know
It would be more than that which ended
To unconditionally love
To you..

And to me..

me.. it's always me

Of all shits that happened...
I think I'm always to blame right?

It is always me... ME.. MEEEEEEE!!!!

Wanna know why??
Ok. I tell you why.

01. I'm bad, evil, a BITCH.
02. I assumed too much.
03. My reaction overboard.
04. I like to start arguements.
05. I am unreasonable.
06. I fight.
07. I complicate things.
08. I'm a pest.
09. I make people feel like dying.
10. I'm a drama queen.
11. I make things from bad to worsTT..
12. I distract people.
13. I'm good at pissing people off.
14. I don't compromise.
15. I used people.
16. I ditched useless people.
17. I backstabbed you w/o you knowing.
18. I complained like HELL.
19. I'm paranoid.
20. I don't give a heck to anyone's feeling.
21. I'm selfish.
22. I mind on sissy things.
23. I'm super sensitive.
24. I'm obsessive-compulsive.
25. I'm very hot quick-tempered shit.
26. I'm cold-blooded.
27. I'm arrogant & cruel. I drink fresh human blood every morning.
28. I twist your mind to think otherwise.
29. I'm a big-ass bimbo snob.
30. I don't listen to explanation cos I think it is all plain rubbish.
31 >>>> The list will go ON & ON & ON... I live my life to almost 22 years.. I think I developed more negative expertise than only above..


Are you happy now?


- I don't need you to apologize to satisfy me.
- I don't like you assuming.
- I don't like you to answer my questions without listening to it first.
- I hate it when you just 'ok ok ok let's just forget it'
- I'm not a bloody cheap whiteboard that you can write on & delete it anytime.
- I hate it when you make me WAIT for explanation.
- Sweet talks don't work!!~
- I don't heal on my own.
- I don't want you LOSE me in such a stupid way.
- I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU KEEP ME HANGING IN THE MIDST OF NOTHING.
- I EVEN HATE THE FACT YOU THOUGHT THAT WAY ABOUT ME!!!!!~


WHAT'S DONE IS DONE!!! NOT RETURN TICKET!!~
I can't kill you now and recarnate you in seconds by tomorrow ok!!!~~~~~


Are you REALLY happy now?