mutual

Alright. Since i have time now...

Been days I put on a happy mask n throw all troubled minds drowned in work.
I think I broke a guy’s heart. And I’m not quite happy about that.
You know how I’ve been whining bout sometimes-unhappy-when-I’m-lonely-single life.
I did mentioned before how I wanted my life to be sweet sour bitter..
and that I only felt bitter cos my daily routine is pretty boring n lifeless.
Only work work work.
Well, now I just busted the chance.

I’m obviously not telling the whole story. Just hints and pieces of my mind.
He confessed several times but yet my reply was negative.
I let him down & told him very straightforwardly that impossible is the word between us.
I’m not selling my nose high. So not. We do not even have the “chemistry”.
I mean.. I do not wish to start something new when I know it’ll lead us nowhere in future.
I have so many doubts in both of us that I don’t see the need to even get it started.
Some feelings are just temporary.
He asked me to give ‘us’ a chance for a good start.
Who knows things might turn out differently as I “simply” assumed.
Giving him a new opportunity to share my life with him.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to lie to him.. I mean.. just simply agree with his “suggestion”..
I am so not going to use him just to get the lovey-dovey-needy feeling.
You get what I mean?
The sparks just ain’t there.
I even told him truthfully that I’m sorry and I have hots for another guy.
He on the other hand, protested that I gave him “signals” obvious hints to “getting” me..
But I did not. He’s a nice guy but guess I’m not the lucky girl.
He once insisted on I should just quit the thinking and just try.
I tell you.. Relationships are very tiring when waves hit. Emotionally drained.
I don’t think I am being hard & harsh to him cos I’m just telling the truth to him.
Is that wrong? Better solve it once and for all right?
Damn. Sometimes I really wonder if my friendliness is a bit tad too much that they’re shooting wrong signals?


I was talking to M today.
Her bloody last sentence before we end the call was..
“Why do you always attract the wrong guys but yet you stupidly fall for worst guys..”
Tell me bout it.
I have absolutely absolutely no idea.

Another story was.. I know “this new hots” will be leading to nowhere.
Yet I still... erm... hmmm *laughs* Stupid right? M was right. Damn her. *grins*
I just hope miracles would happen.
*mind me.. just let me bluff myself for now k*



Worst shit was.. I suddenly missed Alvin yesterday. Fark.


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