Tuesday, December 14, 2010

6 months after

Right at this second, a lot of things spinning in my head rapidly. The feeling of a lot of things to do yet so little time.. or more like there’s a lot to do but not knowing which suits myself the most. And possibly a lot of distraction meaning to say sarcasm, unnecessary scoldings, very negative comments, crazy ideas and maybe cash?

I’ve been unemployed since June 2010. Almost half a year, wow.. Thinking it, it was so damn long ago. Freaking half years just flew swiftly off without a blink of eye. Sometimes thinking it again, makes me go. WhatTheFuckk?? Not to say I did not make use of my so-called free time, I am not that kind of person where you can see me doing absolutely nothing for months. I ought to get some projects/activities to fidget with. I do have freelance projects, taking most of my time, hence I do not realize months have passed just like that. I do feel a bit free-er than my 9-6 job period but sometimes it was too hectic as I do not have anyone to count on except myself; unlike last time where I do have a boss to shield as a standing cold wall? Things are very different now but I do enjoy every bit of it, though at times I might be a fussypants and hmm maybe a crazy bitch? At times when the “giving-up” level reached its fucking peak that I just want to drop everything just like that, but then everything would go flushed into the drain. These times are so hard to cope with, ain’t words can easily explain, or easily shared with a friend but.. it’s just the.. well, I am glad I managed to work out some inner courage/confidence to face all these fucking obstacles and yes, fucking people. *pat on back.

Half year. Bloody half year. Crazy 6 months. Never ending roller-coaster ride.
It’s almost year-end. I quit my 9-6 job due to some typical employee reason and also to give myself a break. In fact a break to think what will my next step be. Times have been busy, hence that I still haven’t quite figured out what I want to do yet. 6 months ain’t short but not that long either, BUT enough for a “break”, I guess. I ought to start thinking again.

I am in the middle of contemplating with 2 options.
First, I do have a sudden urge to go back to studying life. Just a speck of sudden urge to do it, but I guess it ain’t a bad thing to continue my Masters which definitely I am NOT taking Interior Architecture but maybe something else. And if I do start on my Masters, I don’t think I will be able to seek for a 9-6 job, right? So I’ll still stuck with freelance projects till I finished my Masters. Why Masters some asked? Well, just a way to always “up” your knowledge another level, ain’t a bad thing, right? Just want to discover more things I would say and hence, that’s why I will definitely not do freelance full time.

On the other hand, I ignore Masters. I shall seek for a 9-6 job after Chinese New Year which was one of the initial plans I had in mind since I quitted. I have still not browse through Jobstreets and etc websites to see what they have in market right now. I mean.. I will when times are near, not now, ‘cos knowing myself I will be very distracted with something so new to experiment with, might even neglect or dis-interest what I have in hand now. I shall move on one by one. Besides, my portfolio ain’t ready yet. That’s another hassle. Hmm.

Some encouraged me to do freelance full time aka start my own firm. I really think it’s way too early to do that. Then came answers that say, you have your “market” now, do you want to just let them go and re-start back in working full-time evil world? I must say, freelance was fun and challenging to me but it’s not enough. I wouldn't say it's "restart". I have more to explore, more to experiment, most importantly more to learn. A lot more to learn. I would not want to be tied up in my small circle till like who knows when I’ll step out of this industry. Though this industry is bloody stressful, meeting crazy people, handling fuckup cases, but my passion still bloody here.. at least NOW they still are. Yeah some said I was stupid thinking this way.

Hmm.. I hate crossroads.

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