Friday, October 10, 2014
After reminding myself endlessly to sleep early if I can, I still ended up in this current situation where I am so bloody tired inside but yet keeping my eyes wide open, knowing that I will wake up regretting tomorrow. This is so getting old. I just finished watching Running Man EP 213 and now even feeling more awake than usual. I know or knew I shouldn't be enjoying the fun and hilarious scenes of this episode but I couldn't help it. I am feeling oh-so-lazy. Maybe simply because I have not gotten any good long no-stress sleep since I'm back. Speaking of that, I have not stop feeling stress about work right after my 12 hours sleep on my first night home. I miss the daily routine I have in London. Felt healthy and right. Now? Back to sleepless nights, bad food timing and crazy hazy weathers. Sigh.
Monday, October 06, 2014
Thoughts in London through my iPhone's Notes App.
Sitting here on the long bench at West Kensington station, waiting for the tube to go Tottenham Court. Yes to Primark again to request for our VAT receipts.
Watching people buzzing by, peeping at this lady's iPad wondering what ebook she's reading. Seems pretty interesting. "Revik stood behind me.."
Oh here comes the tube.
Then I soon to realize the .. I am speechless. I have always wonder what would it be or what was it. Now that I know partially and some undeniable truth I somehow do not know what to do.
The selfishness in one person is scary. I have not and guess I won't be a person who will take your trust for granted. I might have the bitchy attitude but I have a good heart. I say what I think and perhaps this is not a good practice.
My hands turn cold, face flushes as I soon recognize those words. I do not know what to do. To trust this person further or should I be aware of every thought every word being carried out.
Sitting out here out in the cold, lit up and ..
Some people might think let bygones be bygones but bygones are experiences that money cannot buy. Hence to hold onto or not. The anger and the betrayal no longer stays, I've looked over it but that hint of disappointment still stays.
Letting go of smaller matters to look for a better future. It's time to do some 'growing-up' again I guess. Reaching the number of what I once most feared of isn't that intimidating anyway. Looking at the London sky, I hope I can overcome the doubts I have and soon to live a happier self. Pointless holding into grudges which shouldn't exist in the first place. This is how I want to live my life which no one would have a slightest chance to direct me a wrong path and shall let the friendship of 2 years fade by.
On the double-decker coach from Hampstead Heath to Westminister, looking out of the window watching the world passed by. Babies in their carriages, dog-walkers, English architecture buildings, parks, brave cyclist, local markets, street arts and many many local culture staring up at me high on the coach. Little by little things come flashing upon where I came to realize there are a lot of things happening on 1 single second despite your mind is deep set in somewhere else. Time is too fast to catch up. It's an ugly reality check since ages ago but yet the denial is hard to rub off.
Walking upslope of Hampstead Heath park earlier was tiring. And due to the heavy English breakfast, easily caused heavy legs and laziness to rise up. But upon reaching the top, it was a magnificent view of some parts of London. As how the nice old lady mentioned yesterday when we were at Milton's Cafe, she said, "If you walked a little distance, you will feel like you earned it." True enough. The satisfaction was a blast. Lying on the grass, feeling the cold cold breeze and staring up the cloudless piece of white sky left me breathless yet speechless. Somehow a part of me just want the time to stop.
Right now, just woke up from a short nap on the train back to London from Brighton. We just made a stop at London Blackfriars to switch back to Luton line.
Staring out into the dark, the dimmed lights flashing by, I narrowed my eyes trying to figure out what was I staring out at. I thought I saw a man standing by the window at his office building. There I thought perhaps he is the one. Alright I was thinking nonsense. Ha! But it is so bizarre sometimes that your life partner might be just few meters away from you today which you both are totally not aware of and one day you will meet and never realized you were actually eating side by side in the same quaint cafe tucked at the end of the street. Life's like that, huh? Perhaps I watched too much drama to even think as such but life gives us many surprises and hope. And now I am hoping.
Farringdon stop. We are so far from Brighton now. As I was walking down streets and streets of slopes in Brighton earlier today, I was thinking to myself that it was very much different than London here. Smaller shops, less sophisticated people and all the small narrow pedestrian streets. I don't quite like it here if I were given a choice to stay here. It's too "local".
Anyway we walked towards the beach after we bought our fish&chips takeaway. Out of nowhere a seagull flew from behind very near my head and quickly was only just snatched a bite of my fish and literally gave me a shock of my life and that I screamed.. Seconds later it all turned into a puddle of laughters. Sitting on hard pebbles, viewing the infinity line between the sky and ocean, it was something indescribable. I have never seen a beach with all pebbles and stones and there is not a grain of sand. The water was so cold and clear then once the waves splashed to my ankles, I could hardly tell if it was the pain of my tired legs, standing on hard rock pebbles or the icy cool water temperature which made my skin red. Oh it was a new feeling to discover and yet a new experience to remember.
Staring out as the sky turned darker by each minute on the way back to Oxford from London. We spent a night with some backpackers in some hostel by the Park End Street in Oxford last night. Realizing there's only 3 more days that I'll be back in KL is kind of saddening. I am enjoying London as much as I started to like walking and tubes. Funny enough when you have started to get immune to the long walks, tired legs, dry skin you're bout to fly back to your tropical land. I might have liked London a little bit more that I expected. Before we flew here as this is my first trip to the European countries, I kept telling myself no expectations, don't imagine the impossibilities of liking the city as I do know myself that I do like cities like London as for the old streets, old building architecture, markets, food, afternoon tea, crazy weathers and many more which it would take forever for me to list down. Little do I know that I do really like the city. If it weren't for my family back home, I might in fact will even consider the pro n cons of staying here permanently. Perhaps I am overthinking or over-liking as this is just a short trip to one of this oldest city in the world and not knowing what are the behind the scenes stories of actually living here. Oh well this is just a quick thought flickering off my tired mind. Again I'm sad my holidays are soon over but looking forward as well to the daily boring life routine, family and friends who love me for who I am. Back to nap again, hope to catch at least half an hour before we reach Victoria Station. Till then.
Oh wow like less than 48 hours I'm stepping down the A380 in KLIA. 3 weeks just flew by. Walking down the 15 minutes trail from Alex's house to the tube station no longer felt that far away. Maybe this is our last walk, mixed emotions I guess.
Now sitting on the top level of the double-decker 204 bus heading to Wembley Central for some last minute shopping at some outlets. Fingers-crossed tightly, hope I don't buy anything as my luggage is fullllllll. Oh damn.
Oh look, bald tress. Autumn is really approaching pretty soon. Roy mentioned earlier that the weather will really be cold by end of the week but alas I'll be back in the never-cold land. Sigh gonna miss London.