Wednesday, December 18, 2013

end of the day, always the tits and asses.

Whenever I thought of penning here, it was never a good thing because you know I have got nowhere and no one to go to.
Quite a shocker that it's so quiet at this hour of the day.
Wednesday. Neither here nor there. Just another day stuck in between the blues and red district weekdays.

Random thoughts flushing in like funny how girls like sappy quotes, interpreting their non-existence emo-ness, then get all emo-up and blue; leading to crappy FB statuses, which indirectly her bogus friends will click 'like'. Yeah I'm talking about yours truly. No matter how they think these sick quotes are somehow correlated, nah that just screams emo. Probably you can relate to certain ideas but then again those are the past. Bygones. So why bother reading those quotes and get emo over nothing? Yeah that's probably the question I'm asking myself over and over again. There are so many things that are trapping themselves in my crazy mind that I'm getting soooo tired of. Even sappy quotes can be one of them. Liking their pages on fb and instagram only to be greeted with silly heartbroken "inspiring" statement first thing in the morning, but yet still so stubborn and stupid enough to not delete them. Just let it flow through and hang in there. Such unacceptable nuisance. Yup that's me. Again. Then again I'm not happy. I am not happy. And why chinese songs must be soooo emo and always about breakups? Don't they have better things to write? Doofus.

And work, of all the assholes I met, subconsciously created a forum in my head titled "Why Work?"
Work used to be my undying passion until lately all sorts of funny thoughts conquering. It's getting so tiring mentally. So tired of doing what I am doing every single day that I just wish I can disappear. Only reason to hang on now is the cold hard cash, and beats me, I'm transforming into a cinapek materialistic lian. I need the passion back, not get stuck between some minnan dramas. Some motivation and satisfaction that I've longed for. The fire the whatever that makes me excited to go to work, that is if they still exist somewhere. Work used to be fun until my mind ain't mine anymore.

And you, another unnecessary aged roller-coaster. I've been constantly reminded myself no no no no no and no. But sometimes things felt so right that.. you unknowingly.. well jinxed a badass curse onto it. When your actions contradicts with words, it was so odd, so indescribable that I didn't even know how to puzzle them up. But all the "what ifs,maybes" just vanished miraculously due to at least there is an answer now though indirect but at least that literally puts a stop to everything 'in-between". A definite disappointment but not a regret. Hit me like a sack of invisible wind suddenly outofnowhere. Never believe in that 3 letters but yet I still amazed myself with my acting skills despite I was drained flat of everything that was happening recently. Pokerbitch. One thing for sure, I felt used.

So this is just another ranting on another bright day on the outside and gloomy head in the inside. Life sucks but yet still need to hang on right? Give it a little hope everyday, right? Yeah yeah.
See how oxymoron I am. I can't even stand myself.
I kept telling myself, "It's just a phase. A turning point."
It will be better. It just has to.

It's very easy to remain all pessi over shits around you.
It's contagious.