Saturday, April 02, 2011

it hurts worst

She finally said it out today.
She said my name and then said how I've always silently hated her. Oh fuck.
Seriously that hurts really badly as this is what she think of me all these time.

Angry attacks leads to very unbearable emotional words. Some said angry words meant the deep down truth but is she?
I really had enough of all the untrue rantings of her when she's mad. I do not agree with her words sometimes, actions sometimes, swings all the time but all these doesn't mean I don't love her or respect her.

I hate the fact that till today I still can't find a way or somehow something to actually satisfy her needs or expectation on me. It's been a damn long time since she eventually agree with whatever I'm doing/did/my other i-think-is-relevant-but-she-strongly-disagree-kind-of-actions. Till today everything that is wrong or bad is still tossed and turned with some angry-really-impressive-words then landed a huge emotional thud on me.

The effort and actions I made to show my care will always be doubted for a favour in return or some suspicious reasons which really pisses me off. Too much imagination too much emotional words too much negative harsh comments really dampen my spirits. I am really not like that you see. Why is it so hard to trust me?

I am really running out of thoughts.
But a question always arises, "why me?"

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