Saturday, November 12, 2011

nothing dissolves with oblivious

yeah I don't get it sometimes.
I'm watching Glee now at the same time typing-in this post.
Trying to be glee, I guess.

I have a conversation with this particular "Mary" who do have huge impact in my life.
Hate the way Mary thinks of me sometimes. Full of negativity and pessimistic, Mary said.
Well not in exact words, but yeah NEGATIVE is always the "essence" to her preach.

I am not declaring myself as negative because I just want to be prepared. Pessimistic is so not right to describe my expressing opinions. I know we have to be optimistic at times, that's correct but not all the time because we have to be alert to whatever issues that you might face as nothing in the real world is like fairytale where everything end with happily ever after. We are not living Disney characters.

Aih I'm so not good in putting this metaphorically but I need to get it out.

Anyway, there's always an issue but I'll speak up my opinion but Mary will assume I'm being all not supportive and throwing poison ivy. I'm just stating the Pro and Cons and yes the consequences; in a very polite manner but.. YES!! BUT again.. but Mary only sees the Pro she proclaims and so-called Cons that she thinks are not valid. Not everything is to what one thinks, pls stand in all sorts of perspectives before you draw a conclusion so strong that we just have to obey to and case closed; no comments as we're be accused (ok too strong of a word) assumed we're being pessimistic. There are things that are right to your face but you're just too oblivious about it or maybe you just want things to go your way OR you just ignore their existence and thinking "Nah not happening.."

I've been in those shoes. I know what it is like, the fit, the effort, the responsibilities, the burden and sometimes peer pressure that you might think it's nothing. Not worth? then ignore la. Come on life ain't just about cutting people away or crossing them out with expensive your Mont Blanc pen. Life is about accepting and finding a way out that at the end of the day you won't be the one feeling sorry for yourself. If everything or everyone follows you around mimicking all your action and personality, that's probably your clone. I am sad. Depressed can be used to describe me sometimes.

I sit down sometimes and reflect of things that I've done previously or how I wish I could have done it differently and all those IF and SHOULD-HAVE will start to flood in. But then a friend once told me, one failure in the past will be your future success, simply because you need to realise your mistake and not repeat it again, in fact do something even better. With all Mary's assumption and pessimistic opinion about my negativity makes me very insecure sometimes. With one nod or sigh will affect my feelings. Sounds emotional ey? Mary's one great person that has such huge impact on me because I want her to be proud of me. I am sure she is but the way she's promoting them is quite tearing me up. Compliments won't hurt from time to time but ignorance will. I am not some strong shield that can protect my fragility from canon balls comments.

I just hate the feeling of being assumed before hearing me out and then makes me feel so so so insecure with myself. I'll have doubts with decision I have to make. I may look like I do have confidence, but sometimes it's faked. I need real confidence to boost myself up. Life's a stageplay.

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