little mermaid's story

You're so fishy and I'm not even feeling suspicious anymore.
Or should I say I do not know how to feel anymore.
I'm a genius.

Just a fool.

I hate parking tickets.
In fact I hate all tickets because I'm so bad at keeping them.
Tonight will be the freaking 3rd time I misplaced or let my parking ticket run missing at Gardens. I paid five bucks for my ticket, took my balance and receipt but left the ticket there and I walked off like a queen. What a genius! When I reached my car then I realized I left the ticket at the machine. Went back to get it, it was gone but I found a ticket on top of the machine and guess what? The real lucky chap took my paid ticket and kindly left his there, hence I have to pay another 7 bucks. Oh well. Who am I to put faults when I'm the doofus in the first place. Ah I'm such a mess.

Adding to the mess, recently I kept thinking of you but I kept telling myself I don't care and am walking away. Yeah like whatever. And I tell myself nothing will work out but that's just me trying to move on without you.

我的天是灰色

其實我不想對你戀戀不捨
我是真的為你.. *paused*
(i'm yet fill in the blanks)

silence works. sometimes.

Old songs with much relatable lyrics.
Somehow sometimes I hate it.
Today might be the day I "absorbed" entirely.
Absurd.

Do all the things 'you' should have done

Well we have all once let one go.
Probably that's how we learn, but trusting another.. *sigh
Guess one will come to learn from mistakes or maybe not.
Hence I am not holding on any longer.
But damn you, the lyrics.


- -

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man

last flight out

Sitting in this small corner by the window staring out into the dark sky and penning this. The feeling of going back home to where I belong is overwhelming. I want to be back to a place where everything is friendly and familiar to me. Three days in Jakarta kinda make me homesick. I enjoyed the quiet nights in the small 18sqm room, two nights' routines of watching tv till I fell asleep, starbucks hot latte and working on my laptop listening to Anwar's inspiring live rally on YouTube at the background. I kinda feel so far far away. Lonely? Perhaps a little.

Airplane bustling with Indonesian men chatting away, kids yakking away and air stewardess passing on food trays. Sigh. Again silly thoughts running through my head.

Despite being accidentally poked by Mr Big Dude next to me several times, I just watched the final episode of Glee's Season 3 on my phone. Forgot that I actually still have this episode. Thought I deleted the app. Oh well. There are a lot of things that I am forgetting lately. Wasn't intentional but still slipped off my mind like nobody's business.

But there is one thing that I can't seem to forget recently. Every time or should i say 'All the time'; just appear in my mind for no reason and definitely out of nowhere. I want to put a stop to it before I'm really treated as just a convenience or to-fill-in-the-blanks. Sometimes I'm happy having it but sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I hope I can believe my optimistic instincts but sometimes it just screams 'fraud' to your face. Fuuhhhh I am tired. Can I put a stop to it by quit acting like how I am still acting now?

I always believe in 1 thing; which is 'everything happen for a reason'. Months ago till today I have still not figured it out and still hoping that the reason will soon surface.

And James Blunt.. Your 'Brightest Star' is making me emotional.

Perhaps this work trip is way too impromptu and unexpected. Last minute invitation to Jakarta, tickets and schedule confirmed at the nick of time. Caught unprepared but fortunately everything went well. But guess maybe this creates an emotional feeling which simply leads to my impatience to touchdown and take a deep breath of my homeland air. KL.

15 more minutes...
And my thanks to dugong Raymond for picking me up. You're improving in playing your 'Best Friend' role. Keep it up! Aja aja!! :)

really?

I'm sitting here with retro furniture all around me, listening to The Beatles, with my Starbucks low-fat latte in my tumbler. But I'm not feeling it at all. Not feeling anything.
Maybe a little hint of disappointment or confusion. I guess.
I've been wanting to pen here for weeks but couldn't quite find time.
Work has been a pain in the ass big time. Well as usual.
With the particular addition that became addiction.
That's sort of annoyingly unbearable.
I don't know what I want and wish not to know too.
On the other hand, I wish there's a final answer to it. Period.
But who's giving the answer?

I cannot bear to have another "one-of-those-days".
It's affecting my thoughts and emotion.

Anyway what the fark.
Life goes on, not like he cared anyway.
Will be heading to Jakarta this Tuesday for work, hope all things will be good.
*fingerscrossed*