today

sucks

sucker

JOHNNY WONG!!!!!!!!! urghhh.. so feel like killing him today!!!
he is so bloody weird case.
sometimes like manja cute little puppy, sometimes is like a fart-none-stop porcupine.
today is so definitely not his day man.
throwing temper tantrums like as if he hits his period season.
weird f*ck

i'm like so fricking innocent ok! nabehh.. rude piece of pathetic shitz

you're late

Gum still swelling. Ulcers still hurting. Few have gone, hoping there won’t be new ones.

I got to know some news. Neither good nor bad. Been 11 days. If I say it's way too long, then again, it's only 11 days. I’m starting to feel nothing over this any longer.

From a friend, I was told, he say he’ll explain to me.

The reason.

His personal problems.

One day.

One fine day.

The problem now is.. do I still want to listen?

Or do I still need to know?

Too late.

help wanted

ulcer-attack!!

Ulcer is so bloody hurting. I don’t know how many bloody ulcers & boils I have in my mouth. Last time I checked ulcers on my tongue, my gums, and gums swollen like red chilly peppers. I mean, I’ve been sick since last Wednesday afternoon, the fever went away after 2 days but the ulcers start popping out like nobody’s business. It’s really terribly aching me. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, even drink hurts. I think I have mumps. Ought to consult the doctor for second time but I’m so not going to the same clinic I went the last time, nearby my house.

Damn that old lady. I mean, when you see a doc, you have to explain your symptoms or your pain to them right? Then they’ll check you up, ask you several questions then decide your medic? I went in. I told her I was having fever, suddenly feel very super cold during early mornings, dizzy, no appetite & very drowsy. She took my temperature & doesn’t ask me any shits more. She told me to drink more water & that I’m very heaty inside.
Well duh!~ tell me things that I don’t know please. Cost me 46 bucks for a less than 10-mins consultation, antibiotics, fever pills, flu pills & a bottle of vitamin C. Why do I need flu pills? Vitamin C probably is ok but flu? I didn’t mention I have flu alright. No wonder her business is getting worst. From 24 hours clinic became a clinic opened at 8am, closed at 8pm with lunch break lagi. While waiting for consultation, I read through her (self-written or her Malay nurse) articles on the walls, & found out.. NEW STRAITS TIMES became NEW STRAIGHTS TIMES, SMOKING became SMOCKING.

Total ridicule.
This is so the last time I’m there.

Oouchh! I’m still aching!!! Gums hurt. Ulcers hurt. And I’m at work. Just kill me, will ya!!!

slow long tears

I look up
as a tear rolls
slowly down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion
I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek

i'm still sick

sigh.

I'm sick.

Heartache.

Headache.

Everything is aching.

How?

Can someone come to my rescue? Well, like for once??
How can some people be so paranoid? or so like well.. just being so not responsible over his doing or saying? Probably this is the new era people.

so not my day

Yesterday was fine.

I'm now sick.

I want to cry.

stand up for love

There are times I find it hard to sleep at night
We are living through such trouble times
And every child that reaches out
For someone to hold
For one moment
They become my own

And how can I pretend that I don't know
What's going on?
When every second
And every minute
Another soul is gone

I’m inspired
And hope
For each and everyday
That's how I know that things are going to change
So how can I pretend that I don't know
What's going on?
When every second
And every minute
Another soul is gone

And it all starts right here
And it starts right now
One person stand up man!
And the rest will follow
From the forgotten
And From the Unloved

I’m gonna sing this song,
And I believe
That in my life
I will see
An end to hopelessness
Or giving up
Or suffering

If we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
And stand up
for life
stand up and sing
Stand up
For love

For love.

delayed

JB trip postponed. Till next week.
OT every night from tonight except Thursday. Seriously need to de-stress myself.
Working is really like living hell.
Then again, everything to me now is like living hell.
Anyone want a free ticket?

it's all gone

Despite what happened yesterday & the days before, this morning I really woke up well… in a good mood. Obviously I’ll still think of him on the way driving to work (I’m not a white board that you can write & erase in a snap of fingers ok) but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. Yesterday was really bad. And I mean REAL BAD. Anxiety, worries, inquisitiveness, annoyance, a big question mark, plus all the stress from work. Saturday night was the worst. Totally sleepless. Sunday turned me into a walking zombie. Called up ManYee and spend the entire day in Pyramid. Bought a expensive blouse that I actually don’t need it. Yesterday was in 1U with LayFong, bought the whole Lancome small make-up kit when I only intended to buy mascara at the first place. I'm planning to get a new perfume soon too. DKNY apple or GUCCI envy?? Shit. My ass is like printing money?!?!? But shopping makes me feel better. A tiring day of walking around and being ‘cheerful’ really exhaust me out physically, emotionally and financially.

which? help me choose? daringly sexy or flirtatiously fruity?

Gawd..
Today really seems much better. I hardly put much thought into it. More to like paying extra attention & extra effort in my work. Make it the last five days a seem-so-true-dream and now I’m back to reality.

Sigh.

Going to JB tomorrow for as-built drawings (TGV Tebrau). Spending a night there, so I guess I won’t be blogging for 2 days I think. Will be back in town on Thursday evening then hitting the clubs with ManYee & Paul. Ladies night. Friday working again. But I don’t care. I’m still under healing process.

Tomorrow won't be the same as today. Yesterday won't be today. And the past 5 days will never be near my future. I tried crying but my eyes are dry.

some-things

Some things happened for a reason. Some don't. But most do.
Funny thing is.. sometimes when you know truthfully that your conscience is right but yet you don’t want to admit it and continue to go ahead with whatever your heart wishes. It is not to say it’s wrong to do what your heart wishes but you gotta trust your own gut-feeling. It’s well.. the most important. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t try to comfort yourself. When you console yourself, you’ll end up lying to yourself because you want to believe what you want and hope, and not what you see or feel. The negativity which makes you keep doubting never lies.

The moral of my story is to think with your brain, if you do whatever your heart wishes, you’ll get a bad omen. Love is something pure & simple, love comes naturally. If you force it, you’ll never get it. Even if you did, it’s just exterior wise only. Whatever. Just don’t bloody lie to yourself.

Like me.