Am I really that naive?

From *here* to the words below which do not involve my friends.





I may be feisty, noisy, irritating, loud and bubbly most of the times.
But I do have my moments of silence.
I do have times when I chose not to talk.

I may be rude and sarcastic but only playfully.
I do not run around the bush trying to insult someone just for the sake of releasing my unnecessary anger or being disrespectful.
I am just not that kind of person. Naïve shall I say that actions were.

I was thinking a few days back…
Many people complained about their hatred to their jobs.
How stressful and boring work can be.
How “indigestive” work can be? How this and how that..
Sorry to disappoint guys, I love my job. I do. I have passion towards my job.
I do complain about my job here and then, but mainly there were just merely no troubles.
Just some kiddies’ sulkiness.

Guess my “rumination” started from here.
Working lately has been a lot of stress, which mainly the stress wasn’t much from the work itself. Surprisingly it wasn’t from my employers or clients or consultants or suppliers.
Working the real work has been pretty challenging and I’m not denying that I am really enjoying every moment of it. At least for now I still am.

Work has been terrible stressful meaning to say the stress came from my contemporaries.
We are human. We make mistakes.
When we do mistakes, we admit to it, we learn from it.
If we do not want to admit due to our huge bowl of ego-ness, at least we keep a low profile and NOT repeat the mistakes again. Right?
Or do you go sing-song about everything except your own mistakes?
No? Or am I the one being the pretty naïve here?

Been months since I’ve listened to endless complaints about everything in office.
I am indeed very very surprised with myself that my level of tolerance is pretty high.
I can sit there listen to brats and craps and yet keeping a smiling face. I should so much be involved in acting. I can actually make myself real proud if I took up acting. I am just not that kind that will snap on you regardless of how wrong your thinking can be.
I can sit there at the same table, under the same roof, disagreeing with every word of your conversations with him, having me yelling NO NO NO NO NO wtf!!! in me but still looking as calm as collected as ever on my face. Silent Mind Scream.
I can easily “angel” their “devilish words” but I chose not to.
In other words, I stopped myself from “counselling” you by questioning myself first,
“Why should I?”

To begin with, I was sabotaged. I am not treated as a friend any longer hence your sudden change of behaviour. Or maybe I was once your friend but no longer since you chose to stand with that double-face ego coward, and refuse to believe in our bond and trust. Fine with me. Life still goes on. But you wish to disturb me emotionally. Faces, faeces, catty words. I am glad I can be dumb and deaf at times when you purposely direct something stupid towards me. I just pull a deaf ear every time you’re doing your unreasonable talking. You must really thank that coward who sabotaged you and at the same time trying to be your full time “supporter”.

I can be quiet but doesn’t mean my mind is not spinning.
I do not want to talk or voice up because I don’t see the need to.
I don’t see the sense to talk to you.
You both are very insincere.

There are always two sides of everything but you chose to differ.
You trust your foolish self by swerving others’ well compliments to goddamn insults.
Why do you both like to choose the negativity to answer all your questions?
Sometimes things are SO to-your-face but you just want to guess the fact to your stupidity that they don’t mean well.
How shallow can you get by sabotaging a new staff on her second day?
How shallow can you get by bombarding people with your oh-so-gangsterism?
How shallow can you get sulking over people’s hard-earned cash while you’re not trying to do anything with your life besides laugh and play?


Some people do not know how to take advice.
But some people do not want to take advice.
Do not know or do not want?
Which is worst? Take your pick.

I know what you’re both thinking I’m naïve because I 不知死.
You both never get bored of telling me.. "You wait and see."
You even say you will get on your knees to PRAY me if I survived here for years.
How eff-ed-up can u guys be? Seriously.

I do not keep that in mind ‘cos all I want to do now is to do good in my life.
Make something out of my life so that I won’t go regretting in future.
I do not want to waste my time. I want to do what I love to do.
I just want to do my job. Meet my expectations and score my goals.
I just do what I want and supposed to do.
Does that sound so wrong?


Sigh.
When work isn’t just about work.




p/s: I wish you both the best. I really do.

incapabilities

only good friends stay..

"If you don't have your own state of mind..
you'll simply just drown yourself in deep sea."

- Michelle

Lately I've been trapped in a masquerade.
People with various of beautiful, colorful masks walking around me..
"Laughing", "smiling", "complimenting" etc etc.
I know I am not offended or disturbed by this "event".
But some uncontrollably did..
Those who did.. faced me with a mask everyday.
Sometimes totally ignore me.. or just brushed me off as harshly as possible.

Wait... what is masquerade???
"In the masquerade everyone dons their masks. The peasants may become lords and the lords, peasants. The sheep may dress as wolves and the wolves as sheep. The cowards will roar like lions and the traitors will puff out their chests like the noblest of patriots. The name of the masquerade is politics of course."


Show if you're pissed.
Don't act like nothing happened and forced yourself on me.
Don't be a torture.
Wearing a mask is a torture.

It's weird sometimes..
How people aren't willing to trust an empty paper.. a crystal clear situation..
'cos they think.. no way things gonna be this simple.. sure there is some hidden story.
But they choose to believe fully in a complicated shit.. well 'cos it's complicated. Duh.
Too many things to sound fake right?

Some say "Timing" makes a difference.
You think you really understand a friend whom you known for years.
But in fact., you don't.
You think you misunderstand a true friend that you just known for months.
But in fact, yes. You did.

If you don't trust me, why I bother making you trust me?
I'm not that kind of people to force you think what i think.
Mature enough to make your own judgements.
If you think I am that, then I'm that to you.
It doesn't make any difference to my life.
In fact, I feel sorry for you.
Incapable to differ the real and fake.

I know what I did and what I didn't do.
You chose to believe the otherwise.
And that is YOUR problem.
Juggling our friendship on a thin line.
I am disappointed. Very.


Today I turned cold as metal.
And will stay this way till I feel for a change.
You made me.


Office politics.




* * *

What I find unbelievable is..
You said you won't get manipulated.
You said to ignore the Manipulator.
Cos you knew what was happening..
but yet you chose to get manipulated.
Why?
I really treated you like a friend that is hard to find.. that can get along so well.
but guess I'm just a fishing bait to you.
You chose to believe what the rotten apple say.

I feel I am stupid.
I thought working is stressful as how everyone complains bout their work.
To me, working is full of challenges and stress at times.. but exciting..
what really dries me off are the masquerade participants.

Life is a bitch.






p/s: pix credits dA


*grim*