the eff one grand prix

Yeah I've got free tickets to the F1 Grand Prix last week.

At first I was pretty reluctant as the thought of sitting there in hot sun, smelly guys... err traffic jams, very far location... risking my ear-drums..

and the fact that everyone going gu-gu-ga-ga over the racers and cars and yeah okay.. incredibly sexy umbrella babes...

Well I went eventually with Raymond 'cos he got the tickets and no one to go with. I so felt like a "filler". Luckily the tickets were good seats.. if not, probably skin him alive.

I was still pretty stoned over the non-reasons why some people are so crazy over these races.. crowding over the cars, pushing around and snapping pictures.. and even buy highly-priced merchandises and souvenirs.

All these thoughts were running in my head until..........

I watched the race.

Okay, now i can get on the fact that it was actually pretty cool watching the race...

The adrenalin rush. The really hot drivers...

but I still don't get why you have to buy that bloody jersey priced of half a K just with a small tiny car brand on the right corner.

Okay... then again.. Some don't get it why women buy LV..

Alright. Fair enough. Haha.

Site 4 hours away on a Sunday?

Working on a Sunday...

All the way to Penang..

Very last minute trip.. exhaust the hell outta me.

Thank goodness, I have great companion throughout.

it hurts worst

She finally said it out today.
She said my name and then said how I've always silently hated her. Oh fuck.
Seriously that hurts really badly as this is what she think of me all these time.

Angry attacks leads to very unbearable emotional words. Some said angry words meant the deep down truth but is she?
I really had enough of all the untrue rantings of her when she's mad. I do not agree with her words sometimes, actions sometimes, swings all the time but all these doesn't mean I don't love her or respect her.

I hate the fact that till today I still can't find a way or somehow something to actually satisfy her needs or expectation on me. It's been a damn long time since she eventually agree with whatever I'm doing/did/my other i-think-is-relevant-but-she-strongly-disagree-kind-of-actions. Till today everything that is wrong or bad is still tossed and turned with some angry-really-impressive-words then landed a huge emotional thud on me.

The effort and actions I made to show my care will always be doubted for a favour in return or some suspicious reasons which really pisses me off. Too much imagination too much emotional words too much negative harsh comments really dampen my spirits. I am really not like that you see. Why is it so hard to trust me?

I am really running out of thoughts.
But a question always arises, "why me?"