I might be trapped in some emotional wreck that I am clueless how I got myself in and how to get myself out now. Darn. Should have known better that my confidence was flushed down possibly 4 years ago.
Need some un-flushing and escaping.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Another year just flew through..
New Year Eve '11 at Desa Park City
New Year's Pot Luck '11 at Amber's Home
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
once upon my past..
what a love/hate friend said did get me thinking for awhile.
pretty similar to what I have always been thinking to myself but hearing it from someone straight..
words just bang you like a gust of windd.. the feeling just.. simply.. different. a little empty too.
i do wonder how i have become who i am today.. personality wise at least..
i was once called very naive and blur but who i am today.. i earned them.
for being so-called tough and independent are what i am striving for almost 7 years.
a year with Alvin changed my entire life, it was a very bad experience which tears can still easily flow anytime when i think back of the past. not because of him, but i felt very stupid of the actions and sacrifices i did.. decisions i've made.. i pity my past self.
since him, life ain't quite the same. it's like a hard slap waking you up like welcome to the fugly world.
i learnt the bad way to stand on my own feet, be passionate with what i like doing, setting life goals to achieve.. at least am still trying to achieve now. not giving up yet. complaints, emo moments, temperamental screamings are just part and parcel of everyday life facing the evil stress. a way of de-stressing.. i want to prove to myself that i can do something out of me. life is so short and fragile that sometimes it's not even enough to live in. there's so much i wish i can do but counting forward, just not enough time. i may sound selfish that i want to have a lot of things but i am not greedy in wanting things that i know are out of my league. i want my family to live better and i want myself to live a good life. I have not met anyone special in particular that can provide me with sense of security hence I cannot just sit here not doing anything waiting for his arrival right? i have to know how to live my own life. be independent.
am I surrounded with my subconscious walls that I literally did not know I build?
i am one who like to express myself emotionally.. spitting words right out of my mind which ended me up with either more friends or foes. i am not vengeful that's for sure. dramatically? maybe but not exaggerating.
romantically wise is definitely history. i no longer know how love felt like. how butterflies squeezing through the long intestines. i dare not trust what others have to say. romantic words, sweet talks are so far away from me. flirting is altogether a different thing comparing to how-i-know-he's-my-one thing.
i am not stating that i do not need a man in my life. I do. i want to have my own family. I want a perfect life, who doesn't? I just want a moderate very happy family. need not to have a villa on top of the hill, Barbie's Ken as husband, kids with Albert's IQ.. i just want... to be happy. and satisfied with life.
I do feel very lonely at times when i'm sad, tired and need someone to listen to me, to pamper me, to just give me a hug and tell me things will be fine. that person is always never there. 7 years is very long. very very long. to the extend, i almost believe romance will be the last thing that will ever happen in my life.
Patience is dying.
pretty similar to what I have always been thinking to myself but hearing it from someone straight..
words just bang you like a gust of windd.. the feeling just.. simply.. different. a little empty too.
i do wonder how i have become who i am today.. personality wise at least..
i was once called very naive and blur but who i am today.. i earned them.
for being so-called tough and independent are what i am striving for almost 7 years.
a year with Alvin changed my entire life, it was a very bad experience which tears can still easily flow anytime when i think back of the past. not because of him, but i felt very stupid of the actions and sacrifices i did.. decisions i've made.. i pity my past self.
since him, life ain't quite the same. it's like a hard slap waking you up like welcome to the fugly world.
i learnt the bad way to stand on my own feet, be passionate with what i like doing, setting life goals to achieve.. at least am still trying to achieve now. not giving up yet. complaints, emo moments, temperamental screamings are just part and parcel of everyday life facing the evil stress. a way of de-stressing.. i want to prove to myself that i can do something out of me. life is so short and fragile that sometimes it's not even enough to live in. there's so much i wish i can do but counting forward, just not enough time. i may sound selfish that i want to have a lot of things but i am not greedy in wanting things that i know are out of my league. i want my family to live better and i want myself to live a good life. I have not met anyone special in particular that can provide me with sense of security hence I cannot just sit here not doing anything waiting for his arrival right? i have to know how to live my own life. be independent.
am I surrounded with my subconscious walls that I literally did not know I build?
i am one who like to express myself emotionally.. spitting words right out of my mind which ended me up with either more friends or foes. i am not vengeful that's for sure. dramatically? maybe but not exaggerating.
romantically wise is definitely history. i no longer know how love felt like. how butterflies squeezing through the long intestines. i dare not trust what others have to say. romantic words, sweet talks are so far away from me. flirting is altogether a different thing comparing to how-i-know-he's-my-one thing.
i am not stating that i do not need a man in my life. I do. i want to have my own family. I want a perfect life, who doesn't? I just want a moderate very happy family. need not to have a villa on top of the hill, Barbie's Ken as husband, kids with Albert's IQ.. i just want... to be happy. and satisfied with life.
I do feel very lonely at times when i'm sad, tired and need someone to listen to me, to pamper me, to just give me a hug and tell me things will be fine. that person is always never there. 7 years is very long. very very long. to the extend, i almost believe romance will be the last thing that will ever happen in my life.
Patience is dying.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
a quickie project
A quick one that took less than 2 months to complete the whole proposal process and fit-out works.
Handover of the unit estimated to be by next Wednesday, I hope, providing there aren't any more changes or add-ons.
 |
| after many rounds of amendments.. we shall see how the final outcome might turn out to be.. |
tell me what to do
I really do not know what she wants from me.
This wrong, that wrong, everything I do or say is wrong wrong wrong.
See me then get all snappish.. grumpy.
When I'm not there, she'll get all lovey with the rest..
the sight of me really disgust her that much huh?
I am at home too often that she thinks I'm a jobless freak that have to only oblige to her errands?
I am working, I have a company, I am sort of like a freelancer who is in a very busy industry.
There's a lot of things that I need to do. Why can she try to understand?
It's not like I never run her errands before. Nothing I do is ever enough.
So hard to consider?
This wrong, that wrong, everything I do or say is wrong wrong wrong.
See me then get all snappish.. grumpy.
When I'm not there, she'll get all lovey with the rest..
the sight of me really disgust her that much huh?
I am at home too often that she thinks I'm a jobless freak that have to only oblige to her errands?
I am working, I have a company, I am sort of like a freelancer who is in a very busy industry.
There's a lot of things that I need to do. Why can she try to understand?
It's not like I never run her errands before. Nothing I do is ever enough.
So hard to consider?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
feeling like a bitch
It's so freaking frustratinggg sometimes..
You might be wondering how could some people be sooo unreasonably selfish with their actions and yet still act as if there was nothing wrong about it or in fact they thought they were appropriate actions.
Whatthefuckkk man!!
You might be wondering how could some people be sooo unreasonably selfish with their actions and yet still act as if there was nothing wrong about it or in fact they thought they were appropriate actions.
Whatthefuckkk man!!
Sunday, December 04, 2011
A diamond in the Rough.
Louise agreed to go with me for the Aladdin musical at Sunway.
Been an avid fan with all sorts of musical. Yay.
The last musical I truly enjoyed was to fly all the way to Singapore and caught Lion King. *click*
The stage was small but the show was magnificient.
I can't wait for Aladdin.
Better way to spend our free time rather than window-shopping or movie marathon at home right?
I was googling bout this show after Huay-Pin told me it was okay to watch.. and i found that they're having a contest for the best caption stated for one of their fb image. *click*
Hopefully I can win some. Haha. The last time i won a contest was to Il Volo's showcase at Bentley.
The feeling of triumph over the radio station was overwhelming though it was a small win. *grins*
*fingers crossed*
Been an avid fan with all sorts of musical. Yay.
The last musical I truly enjoyed was to fly all the way to Singapore and caught Lion King. *click*
The stage was small but the show was magnificient.
I can't wait for Aladdin.
Better way to spend our free time rather than window-shopping or movie marathon at home right?
I was googling bout this show after Huay-Pin told me it was okay to watch.. and i found that they're having a contest for the best caption stated for one of their fb image. *click*
Hopefully I can win some. Haha. The last time i won a contest was to Il Volo's showcase at Bentley.
The feeling of triumph over the radio station was overwhelming though it was a small win. *grins*
*fingers crossed*
Sunday, November 27, 2011
such a nervous-wreckk
Arhhh... I hope I will feel better after spilling this out.
Yup. It's totally another panic-attack! Fark.
One of those many many days where I am just numbstruckkk.. if such a word exist.
Not feeling numb of pins and needles but more like..
every phrase/question outta of me begins with Fuck.
Questions kept running in my head eversince I woke up like 3 hours ago.
Kept thinking of might-have-or-might-not-have stuff in my head and yes all related to WORK.
I hate my job sometimes. Too many things to consider, too many important decision to make, too many people to control and handle with, too many fake smiles to throw out too.. some told me it's all parts n parcel of life but then some babes do not have to go through all these hassle to get a good life. so why meeee? okay maybe I am just babbling and not thinking straight here but sometimes i do envy those tai-tai's life, evening hi-tea, acting bimbo all the time, shopping 24/7 and and andd.. wait..
I DO LOVE MY JOB!!! but-buttt the depression, frustration and anger that I have to go through.. really really ticked me off all the time!!! I hate my job.. ARghhh see I don't even know if I love or hate my job. What a wreck!!
Yeah, was telling Sarah bout my nervous breakdown earlier and she thinks I'm getting some serious shit "cold feet" before my wedding day kind-of-attitude. *grins* i hope.
I have this project. Not to say very big or such-a-big-of-a-deal..
but somehow I just panicked.
Some stresses that I myself do not comprehend. I hate that architect btw.
He makes my life miserable.
Or are architects all anallish, or they always like to act "like-jack dawson-standing-at-the-bow-of-the-ship-screaming-I'm THE king of the world-nonsense?
Anyway, that's totally a different chapter from this post.
Back to my unnecessary unexplainable panic-attack.. I still kept thinking..
Am I good for the job? Am I doing the right things? What to do next? How to handle? Am I on the right track? Will everything turn out okay? What if I screw it up? What if I make a wrong decision? What if What if all-the-wayyyy..... *grunts*
I know I have to do this first then do that later and thaat thatt thaaattt in the end..
but somehow my mind is jumbling everything up.. whatthefuckkk!! I know!! argh..
Like I don't even know how to make a priority list!!
I need to relax.. and chill.. and slowly plan things through. Okay not too slow 'cos I ain't got that much time but at least get things straighten out and start commencing on one by one whichever the priority list runs on.
I'm feeling sooo lethargic today.
Thanks to my blocked nose and sky-high fever temperature.
Is that why i'm going gaga today? I never felt this way in such a long time.
Anxiety Disorder.
Will I suffer a psychological collapse? *faints*
God pls help clear my monsoon mind.
Yup. It's totally another panic-attack! Fark.
One of those many many days where I am just numbstruckkk.. if such a word exist.
Not feeling numb of pins and needles but more like..
every phrase/question outta of me begins with Fuck.
Questions kept running in my head eversince I woke up like 3 hours ago.
Kept thinking of might-have-or-might-not-have stuff in my head and yes all related to WORK.
I hate my job sometimes. Too many things to consider, too many important decision to make, too many people to control and handle with, too many fake smiles to throw out too.. some told me it's all parts n parcel of life but then some babes do not have to go through all these hassle to get a good life. so why meeee? okay maybe I am just babbling and not thinking straight here but sometimes i do envy those tai-tai's life, evening hi-tea, acting bimbo all the time, shopping 24/7 and and andd.. wait..
I DO LOVE MY JOB!!! but-buttt the depression, frustration and anger that I have to go through.. really really ticked me off all the time!!! I hate my job.. ARghhh see I don't even know if I love or hate my job. What a wreck!!
Yeah, was telling Sarah bout my nervous breakdown earlier and she thinks I'm getting some serious shit "cold feet" before my wedding day kind-of-attitude. *grins* i hope.
I have this project. Not to say very big or such-a-big-of-a-deal..
but somehow I just panicked.
Some stresses that I myself do not comprehend. I hate that architect btw.
He makes my life miserable.
Or are architects all anallish, or they always like to act "like-jack dawson-standing-at-the-bow-of-the-ship-screaming-I'm THE king of the world-nonsense?
Anyway, that's totally a different chapter from this post.
Back to my unnecessary unexplainable panic-attack.. I still kept thinking..
Am I good for the job? Am I doing the right things? What to do next? How to handle? Am I on the right track? Will everything turn out okay? What if I screw it up? What if I make a wrong decision? What if What if all-the-wayyyy..... *grunts*
I know I have to do this first then do that later and thaat thatt thaaattt in the end..
but somehow my mind is jumbling everything up.. whatthefuckkk!! I know!! argh..
Like I don't even know how to make a priority list!!
I need to relax.. and chill.. and slowly plan things through. Okay not too slow 'cos I ain't got that much time but at least get things straighten out and start commencing on one by one whichever the priority list runs on.
I'm feeling sooo lethargic today.
Thanks to my blocked nose and sky-high fever temperature.
Is that why i'm going gaga today? I never felt this way in such a long time.
Anxiety Disorder.
Will I suffer a psychological collapse? *faints*
God pls help clear my monsoon mind.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
forensickeninggg
I just finished TVB's Forensic Heroes 3. *click*
All main cast and characters are totally different. I really like the Season 1 & 2's bunch of characters expecially Charmaine Sheh and Bobby Au-yong..
but Season 3's aint that bad either.
New casts creates a "fresher" feel.. I like Wayne Lai and Kate Tsui. Hehee.
One of the dramas that you can watch over and over again...
no matter whichever episodes you choose from.
It's a bit slow though the storyline, I mean, as like almost 3 episode to solve 1 case.
Nevertheless, overall I like it.. I'm watching episode 8 again. Haha.
But....to compared to CSI NY, my all-time favourite!!~
CSI still rocks, BIG time!!~~
All main cast and characters are totally different. I really like the Season 1 & 2's bunch of characters expecially Charmaine Sheh and Bobby Au-yong..
but Season 3's aint that bad either.
New casts creates a "fresher" feel.. I like Wayne Lai and Kate Tsui. Hehee.
One of the dramas that you can watch over and over again...
no matter whichever episodes you choose from.
It's a bit slow though the storyline, I mean, as like almost 3 episode to solve 1 case.
Nevertheless, overall I like it.. I'm watching episode 8 again. Haha.
But....to compared to CSI NY, my all-time favourite!!~
CSI still rocks, BIG time!!~~
Friday, November 25, 2011
my stubborn diva nose
oh flu.. i hate you...
can you pls go away.. like literally get lost...
ahhhhhhh hate the blocked breathingggggg...
Feeling so damn lethargic now. Tons of work piling up for the weekend.
I can't get sick. Sheeshhh.. *stressed*
Argh you're such a diva, you NOSE!!
can you pls go away.. like literally get lost...
ahhhhhhh hate the blocked breathingggggg...
Feeling so damn lethargic now. Tons of work piling up for the weekend.
I can't get sick. Sheeshhh.. *stressed*
Argh you're such a diva, you NOSE!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Louise and my Eiffel
Was wearing my favourite bracelet from one of my dearest girlfriends.
Louise gave me Thomas Sabo for my 27th birthday after delaying for few months. =P
She added a charm of Paris Eiffel Tower, meaning to say she has literally "no money" to fly me to Paris and hope this charm will satisfy me for now. Haha.
Louise gave me Thomas Sabo for my 27th birthday after delaying for few months. =P
She added a charm of Paris Eiffel Tower, meaning to say she has literally "no money" to fly me to Paris and hope this charm will satisfy me for now. Haha.
Yup that's Louise.
Oh well, that explains it. Funny people do funny unexplainable things at times.
Took with PopBooth App with her Ipad.
Good times last. yay.
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