Unexplainable

I miss him. Suddenly.

This is normal... but bad.

Want.

I want something that even I find it hard to archieve.

Have a lil faith and fate? Yeah I'm waiting for you to do something.

Oh quick.

the eff one grand prix

Yeah I've got free tickets to the F1 Grand Prix last week.

At first I was pretty reluctant as the thought of sitting there in hot sun, smelly guys... err traffic jams, very far location... risking my ear-drums..

and the fact that everyone going gu-gu-ga-ga over the racers and cars and yeah okay.. incredibly sexy umbrella babes...

Well I went eventually with Raymond 'cos he got the tickets and no one to go with. I so felt like a "filler". Luckily the tickets were good seats.. if not, probably skin him alive.

I was still pretty stoned over the non-reasons why some people are so crazy over these races.. crowding over the cars, pushing around and snapping pictures.. and even buy highly-priced merchandises and souvenirs.

All these thoughts were running in my head until..........

I watched the race.

Okay, now i can get on the fact that it was actually pretty cool watching the race...

The adrenalin rush. The really hot drivers...

but I still don't get why you have to buy that bloody jersey priced of half a K just with a small tiny car brand on the right corner.

Okay... then again.. Some don't get it why women buy LV..

Alright. Fair enough. Haha.

Site 4 hours away on a Sunday?

Working on a Sunday...

All the way to Penang..

Very last minute trip.. exhaust the hell outta me.

Thank goodness, I have great companion throughout.

it hurts worst

She finally said it out today.
She said my name and then said how I've always silently hated her. Oh fuck.
Seriously that hurts really badly as this is what she think of me all these time.

Angry attacks leads to very unbearable emotional words. Some said angry words meant the deep down truth but is she?
I really had enough of all the untrue rantings of her when she's mad. I do not agree with her words sometimes, actions sometimes, swings all the time but all these doesn't mean I don't love her or respect her.

I hate the fact that till today I still can't find a way or somehow something to actually satisfy her needs or expectation on me. It's been a damn long time since she eventually agree with whatever I'm doing/did/my other i-think-is-relevant-but-she-strongly-disagree-kind-of-actions. Till today everything that is wrong or bad is still tossed and turned with some angry-really-impressive-words then landed a huge emotional thud on me.

The effort and actions I made to show my care will always be doubted for a favour in return or some suspicious reasons which really pisses me off. Too much imagination too much emotional words too much negative harsh comments really dampen my spirits. I am really not like that you see. Why is it so hard to trust me?

I am really running out of thoughts.
But a question always arises, "why me?"

Is it crisis?

I guess these couple of years to come will be pretty hard to please by.

Understanding the meaning of "mid-life-crisis" and eventually experiencing it.. very damn different. Experiencing it doesn't mean i'm feeling the "crisis" personally but well, when you have one member in the family having it, I guess everyone living in the same house have to so-called going through it too..

It was bad sometimes. Real bad. All the insecureness, naiveness, anger.

It was worst than facing a goddamnFup client simply because you care less due to the reason their label "client" are merely just strangers only.

Understanding the fact of "mid-life-crisis" where most people (age 40-60) will do experience some sort of emotional transition during that time of their life though I thought 40 was way too early huh?

Emotional transition. Sounds worst than teenager being rebellious.

Scary.

one fine day

I guess these couple of years to come will be pretty hard to please by.

Understanding the meaning of "mid-life-crisis" and eventually experiencing it.. very damn different. Experiencing it doesn't mean i'm feeling the "crisis" personally but well, when you have one member in the family having it, I guess everyone living in the same house have to so-called going through it too..

It was bad sometimes. Real bad. All the insecureness, naiveness, anger.

It was worst than facing a goddamnFup client simply because you care less than under the label "client" they're merely just strangers.

Understanding the fact of "mid-life-crisis" where most people (age 40-60) will do experience some sort of emotional transition during that time of their life though I thought 40 was way too early huh?

Emotional transition. Sounds worst than teenager being rebellious.

to the largest city on Borneo

It was my first trip to Kuching.

Well.. don't expect to see cats everywhere...

except those monumental statues smacked in the middle of all roundabouts.. =P

We were having afternoon tea nearby their the famous old courthouse built by the Brookes, hence the visuals I've uploaded at my previous post.

Somehow in Kuching, everything seemed a bit laidback...

It's like you wouldn't even be as bothered as you are here when your order arrived late on your table. How peaceful.

Publish Post

We were in fact here to attend a ex-college friend's wedding.

I enjoyed Kuching overall. Good friends Bernadine had intro-ed.

Nice place to walk around, look see the museums, riverside...

Weather seemed better too.. Breezy..

A good place to release yourself from the concrete jungle.

Took a break from KL.

impossible meets

Met a guy in some events.

He gave me fluttery feeling in my stomach.

It's been a long time since I met one who can do that.

Liking lomo??

Just testing out my iphone's new lomo app.
Not bad. You think?

First 9 days of twenty-eleven.

It's 2011 already.

Nothing much changed for me.

Still same old same old.

All I can say is I need to get my ass out to the world more often..

other words.. to get out from home.. comparing to well *ahem*

how I've been acting introvert all lately..

I have always love going out.. Watching people..

Window-shopping when there's nothing to be shopped..

and shopping when there are cheap sales..

Out drinking with friends, yakking hours away laughing etc,

catching the latest movies.. good food-hunting..

feasting on chicken wings and cold shrimp salad in Ikea canteen with favourite babes.. or out sitting alone in Starbucks with my laptop working my freelance deadlines off or with a good book and hot Caramel Macchiato on a rainy day.

Oh well.. suddenly all these seem-ed bygones.

Not entirely "lost" but karat dah.

Lately I have been very lazy. I still work but at home.

Sleeping at 2am, waking up latest by 10am was my best achievement.

I feel bored. Restless and some-sort like a tragic housewife..

Daily routines to fetch my siblings from school, make/buy them lunch,

often drives to tuition.. making sure they sleep by their curfew time..

Oh and also as an acting "sand-bag".. ok scratch that.

And only to leave home when necessary like work and appointments.

I've lose interest in planning events/dinners when sometimes someone just don't learn to appreciate... hence the reasons I've lack of my "going-out" activities. Such disease, right?

Maybe one of all the bonus points is that staying home might be an encouraging way to learn how to save money, perhaps? But on the other hand, how to compensate to my emotional distress?

Well, enough said.

Eh, can someone date me out?