Celebrates Christmas

 Christmas Eve '11 at House, G-Tower

Christmas Dinner '11 at Amber's Home

once upon my past..

what a love/hate friend said did get me thinking for awhile.
pretty similar to what I have always been thinking to myself but hearing it from someone straight..
words just bang you like a gust of windd.. the feeling just.. simply.. different. a little empty too.
i do wonder how i have become who i am today.. personality wise at least..
i was once called very naive and blur but who i am today.. i earned them.
for being so-called tough and independent are what i am striving for almost 7 years.
a year with Alvin changed my entire life, it was a very bad experience which tears can still easily flow anytime when i think back of the past. not because of him, but i felt very stupid of the actions and sacrifices i did.. decisions i've made.. i pity my past self.

since him, life ain't quite the same. it's like a hard slap waking you up like welcome to the fugly world.
i learnt the bad way to stand on my own feet, be passionate with what i like doing, setting life goals to achieve.. at least am still trying to achieve now. not giving up yet. complaints, emo moments, temperamental screamings are just part and parcel of everyday life facing the evil stress. a way of de-stressing.. i want to prove to myself that i can do something out of me. life is so short and fragile that sometimes it's not even enough to live in. there's so much i wish i can do but counting forward, just not enough time. i may sound selfish that i want to have a lot of things but i am not greedy in wanting things that i know are out of my league. i want my family to live better and i want myself to live a good life. I have not met anyone special in particular that can provide me with sense of security hence I cannot just sit here not doing anything waiting for his arrival right? i have to know how to live my own life. be independent.

am I surrounded with my subconscious walls that I literally did not know I build?
i am one who like to express myself emotionally.. spitting words right out of my mind which ended me up with either more friends or foes. i am not vengeful that's for sure. dramatically? maybe but not exaggerating.
romantically wise is definitely history. i no longer know how love felt like. how butterflies squeezing through the long intestines. i dare not trust what others have to say. romantic words, sweet talks are so far away from me. flirting is altogether a different thing comparing to how-i-know-he's-my-one thing.
i am not stating that i do not need a man in my life. I do. i want to have my own family. I want a perfect life, who doesn't? I just want a moderate very happy family. need not to have a villa on top of the hill, Barbie's Ken as husband, kids with Albert's IQ.. i just want... to be happy. and satisfied with life.

I do feel very lonely at times when i'm sad, tired and need someone to listen to me, to pamper me, to just give me a hug and tell me things will be fine. that person is always never there. 7 years is very long. very very long. to the extend, i almost believe romance will be the last thing that will ever happen in my life.

Patience is dying.

a quickie project

One of the projects I'm working on..
A quick one that took less than 2 months to complete the whole proposal process and fit-out works.
Handover of the unit estimated to be by next Wednesday, I hope, providing there aren't any more changes or add-ons.

after many rounds of amendments.. we shall see how the final outcome might turn out to be..

tell me what to do

I really do not know what she wants from me.
This wrong, that wrong, everything I do or say is wrong wrong wrong.
See me then get all snappish.. grumpy.
When I'm not there, she'll get all lovey with the rest..
the sight of me really disgust her that much huh?
I am at home too often that she thinks I'm a jobless freak that have to only oblige to her errands?
I am working, I have a company, I am sort of like a freelancer who is in a very busy industry.
There's a lot of things that I need to do. Why can she try to understand?
It's not like I never run her errands before. Nothing I do is ever enough.

So hard to consider?

feeling like a bitch

It's so freaking frustratinggg sometimes..
You might be wondering how could some people be sooo unreasonably selfish with their actions and yet still act as if there was nothing wrong about it or in fact they thought they were appropriate actions.
Whatthefuckkk man!!

A diamond in the Rough.

Louise agreed to go with me for the Aladdin musical at Sunway.
Been an avid fan with all sorts of musical. Yay.
The last musical I truly enjoyed was to fly all the way to Singapore and caught Lion King. *click*
The stage was small but the show was magnificient.
I can't wait for Aladdin.
Better way to spend our free time rather than window-shopping or movie marathon at home right?

I was googling bout this show after Huay-Pin told me it was okay to watch.. and i found that they're having a contest for the best caption stated for one of their fb image. *click*
Hopefully I can win some. Haha. The last time i won a contest was to Il Volo's showcase at Bentley.
The feeling of triumph over the radio station was overwhelming though it was a small win. *grins*




*fingers crossed*

such a nervous-wreckk

Arhhh... I hope I will feel better after spilling this out.

Yup. It's totally another panic-attack! Fark.
One of those many many days where I am just numbstruckkk.. if such a word exist.
Not feeling numb of pins and needles but more like..
every phrase/question outta of me begins with Fuck.
Questions kept running in my head eversince I woke up like 3 hours ago.
Kept thinking of might-have-or-might-not-have stuff in my head and yes all related to WORK.

I hate my job sometimes. Too many things to consider, too many important decision to make, too many people to control and handle with, too many fake smiles to throw out too.. some told me it's all parts n parcel of life but then some babes do not have to go through all these hassle to get a good life. so why meeee? okay maybe I am just babbling and not thinking straight here but sometimes i do envy those tai-tai's life, evening hi-tea, acting bimbo all the time, shopping 24/7 and and andd.. wait..
I DO LOVE MY JOB!!! but-buttt the depression, frustration and anger that I have to go through.. really really ticked me off all the time!!! I hate my job.. ARghhh see I don't even know if I love or hate my job. What a wreck!!
Yeah, was telling Sarah bout my nervous breakdown earlier and she thinks I'm getting some serious shit "cold feet" before my wedding day kind-of-attitude. *grins* i hope.

I have this project. Not to say very big or such-a-big-of-a-deal..
but somehow I just panicked.
Some stresses that I myself do not comprehend. I hate that architect btw.
He makes my life miserable.
Or are architects all anallish, or they always like to act "like-jack dawson-standing-at-the-bow-of-the-ship-screaming-I'm THE king of the world-nonsense?
Anyway, that's totally a different chapter from this post.

Back to my unnecessary unexplainable panic-attack.. I still kept thinking..
Am I good for the job? Am I doing the right things? What to do next? How to handle? Am I on the right track? Will everything turn out okay? What if I screw it up? What if I make a wrong decision? What if What if all-the-wayyyy..... *grunts*

I know I have to do this first then do that later and thaat thatt thaaattt in the end..
but somehow my mind is jumbling everything up.. whatthefuckkk!! I know!! argh..
Like I don't even know how to make a priority list!!
I need to relax.. and chill.. and slowly plan things through. Okay not too slow 'cos I ain't got that much time but at least get things straighten out and start commencing on one by one whichever the priority list runs on.

I'm feeling sooo lethargic today.
Thanks to my blocked nose and sky-high fever temperature.
Is that why i'm going gaga today? I never felt this way in such a long time.
Anxiety Disorder.
Will I suffer a psychological collapse?  *faints*


God pls help clear my monsoon mind.

forensickeninggg

I just finished TVB's Forensic Heroes 3. *click*
All main cast and characters are totally different. I really like the Season 1 & 2's bunch of characters expecially Charmaine Sheh and Bobby Au-yong..
but Season 3's aint that bad either.
New casts creates a "fresher" feel.. I like Wayne Lai and Kate Tsui. Hehee.



One of the dramas that you can watch over and over again...
no matter whichever episodes you choose from.
It's a bit slow though the storyline, I mean, as like almost 3 episode to solve 1 case.
Nevertheless, overall I like it.. I'm watching episode 8 again. Haha.

But....to compared to CSI NY, my all-time favourite!!~
CSI still rocks, BIG time!!~~

my stubborn diva nose

oh flu.. i hate you...
can you pls go away.. like literally get lost...
ahhhhhhh hate the blocked breathingggggg...
Feeling so damn lethargic now. Tons of work piling up for the weekend.
I can't get sick. Sheeshhh.. *stressed*
Argh you're such a diva, you NOSE!!

Louise and my Eiffel

Was wearing my favourite bracelet from one of my dearest girlfriends.
Louise gave me Thomas Sabo for my 27th birthday after delaying for few months. =P
She added a charm of Paris Eiffel Tower, meaning to say she has literally "no money" to fly me to Paris and hope this charm will satisfy me for now. Haha.

Yup that's Louise.

Oh well, that explains it. Funny people do funny unexplainable things at times.

Took with PopBooth App with her Ipad. 

Good times last. yay.

passport photo ok?

*grins*

Make a good passport photo, huh?

5-Nov-2011

I was bored in our hotel suite in Penang.

Had to have fun to un-bore ourselves.

And this was my masterpiece. =P

me no see well. oh no.

I dress in balsamic today.

Haven't been working this weekend.

Was overcoming my "emo-breakdown" and yeah being plain lazy.

I filtered and clean my laptop's desktop screen, deleted over 20G of rubbish.

Rearranged my project list, site photos, drawing numbers etc etc.

And well at the same time, still watching Glee. Started on Season 2 already.

Cheerful watching this TV Series, seriously made me laugh with glee and also chills ran up and down my spine watching them sing really love ballads and old classics. 

Wow, love 'em.

Did almost everything with my laptop today and well, yesterday too but just no work. 

Oh wait, I did one 3D view last night at wee hours but took me like just 2 hours to complete that simple task and emailed to my client by this morning.

I'm so so so plain lazy when it comes to do work related WORK.

Visited my babysitter's brother who was diagnosed with Miller Fischer Syndrome. 

Sigh breaks my heart. Seeing elderly (but not so elderly yet, perhaps in 50s) getting all sorts of illness and stuff.. just made me appreciate life a little bit more these days. Have tons of funny thoughts running through my mind as I was doing my daily routine, talking to the people I talk everyday, caring bout the people I care all my life, trying to accept new people into my life without much selfish hesitation. I just want to be happy and free. 

Anyway, though I kept saying that i'm very lazy today, but I made dinner for my sister and me. Parents and lil brother attending my far-far-far cousin's wedding at Equatorial KL.

Sister will be attending her first SPM exam tomorrow. *fingers crossed* Do well, girl. 

Dinner I made tonight. Salad with cheese, garlic ham and balsamic sauce as sides..

and Pasta in Creamy Mushroom and Onion as main. 

One plate for both of us girls tonight and damn were we full. *grins*

We finished the entire tupperware of salad. Onion was kinda overpowering tho.

Cooking is fun when food tasted good or well, edible and no complaints.

Till then. 

xoxo

nothing dissolves with oblivious

yeah I don't get it sometimes.
I'm watching Glee now at the same time typing-in this post.
Trying to be glee, I guess.

I have a conversation with this particular "Mary" who do have huge impact in my life.
Hate the way Mary thinks of me sometimes. Full of negativity and pessimistic, Mary said.
Well not in exact words, but yeah NEGATIVE is always the "essence" to her preach.

I am not declaring myself as negative because I just want to be prepared. Pessimistic is so not right to describe my expressing opinions. I know we have to be optimistic at times, that's correct but not all the time because we have to be alert to whatever issues that you might face as nothing in the real world is like fairytale where everything end with happily ever after. We are not living Disney characters.

Aih I'm so not good in putting this metaphorically but I need to get it out.

Anyway, there's always an issue but I'll speak up my opinion but Mary will assume I'm being all not supportive and throwing poison ivy. I'm just stating the Pro and Cons and yes the consequences; in a very polite manner but.. YES!! BUT again.. but Mary only sees the Pro she proclaims and so-called Cons that she thinks are not valid. Not everything is to what one thinks, pls stand in all sorts of perspectives before you draw a conclusion so strong that we just have to obey to and case closed; no comments as we're be accused (ok too strong of a word) assumed we're being pessimistic. There are things that are right to your face but you're just too oblivious about it or maybe you just want things to go your way OR you just ignore their existence and thinking "Nah not happening.."

I've been in those shoes. I know what it is like, the fit, the effort, the responsibilities, the burden and sometimes peer pressure that you might think it's nothing. Not worth? then ignore la. Come on life ain't just about cutting people away or crossing them out with expensive your Mont Blanc pen. Life is about accepting and finding a way out that at the end of the day you won't be the one feeling sorry for yourself. If everything or everyone follows you around mimicking all your action and personality, that's probably your clone. I am sad. Depressed can be used to describe me sometimes.

I sit down sometimes and reflect of things that I've done previously or how I wish I could have done it differently and all those IF and SHOULD-HAVE will start to flood in. But then a friend once told me, one failure in the past will be your future success, simply because you need to realise your mistake and not repeat it again, in fact do something even better. With all Mary's assumption and pessimistic opinion about my negativity makes me very insecure sometimes. With one nod or sigh will affect my feelings. Sounds emotional ey? Mary's one great person that has such huge impact on me because I want her to be proud of me. I am sure she is but the way she's promoting them is quite tearing me up. Compliments won't hurt from time to time but ignorance will. I am not some strong shield that can protect my fragility from canon balls comments.

I just hate the feeling of being assumed before hearing me out and then makes me feel so so so insecure with myself. I'll have doubts with decision I have to make. I may look like I do have confidence, but sometimes it's faked. I need real confidence to boost myself up. Life's a stageplay.

Amber and her 11.11.11

Mommy, Baby and Daddy.

 Happy small family of 3.

 Strawberry Milk, Mommy, Baby Aden & his Old Date, yours truly. =P

 Happy Birthday Aunty Amber!!

Her first year celebrating as a Mommy to Baby Aden.

 Red Velvet Cake from La Manila.

"Getting a huge bite!!"

Oh damn

Ok I admit that somehow out of nowhere I miss him quite a bit lately even though I do not know why. I'm terrified too; it's like whatthefuckwentwrongwithme!!??

Felt better?
Err.. Nah.

i feel emo now.

Guess this week will be one of those badly-affected emo days.
It's like me asking myself repeatedly. "What the hell are you thinking?"
Be patience. It's fine to have none at the moment.

Oh work is not so "passionate" lately.
I'm feeling oh-so-brain-dead.

friends, fun and birthday.

Celebrated dear Uncle Lim's birthday at WIP Bangsar.
Nice hangout place. Happening at night, bustling crowd, happy hours.
Well, pretty quiet in the afternoon, good place to sit and have some work done.
A nice change from always hanging out at Starbucks.

Anyway we had a small surprise dinner for the birthday boy.. err uncle I mean.
5 friends since childhood 'era' gathered to celebrate one important man's birthday.
The 27th. Haha.

 

Happy Birthday Choon Wee!! =P

i would like to have..

I like this space. Nice furniture pieces and colors. Mix and matching with different design. Likey.
Don't really fancy the panther painting even though the colors are pretty much striking. Haha
Would like to have this kind of feel for design studio discussion table or maybe a nice dining set for my own single apartment if I have one. =P

Aiks. Dreams are big but pocket is empty.
Must work hard work hard.

updated & upgraded

Fanson was going on and on about the new iOS 5. How convenient and awesome it was.
I was in greeeeeeeen.
Was very busy yesterday, rushing crazy deadline for afternoon's meeting later. Need my phone to standby just in case crazy clients call hence why I can't upgrade during the day. Afraid it might take forever to load.

Fan was sharing the advantages and I could wait to upgrade mine as well. Haha how childish, huh? Anyway I finally manage to do it past 1am earlier today. Haha and everything took only like 20mins and ta-dah.. New iOS. Fan took almost few hours to just download it then update it. Lucky me.

2 things I really like bout iOS 5 are the volume side buttons which allows me to snap photos w/o having to press the middle button anymore which is so convenient AND the notification screen!!! Quite awesome really. Notify me bout my new messages, emails, calls without interrupting whatever I'm doing. It'll appear like a narrow banner at the upper part of my screen. So fking convenient and somehow private!! It won't appear like a big alert box that people beside me can read your messages and BEST is NO goddamn interruption while you're doing something else. Woww, Apple, you're genius!!

4 girls 3 dishes

Dinner with the young girls last night. Yup.. Tess, Jasmynn and Janet.

We were at Ben's General Food Store at Bangsar Village 1.

Planned to have our dinner at Plan B at first, then changed our mind to Ben's instead.

I missed the Ben's in Pavilion KL. Hmm.. *click*

Though both adapting the same Ben's label but different concepts were served. 

There's a lot of pizza at Ben's General Store. Pretty affordable.

Tasted much much better compared to Alexis which is also kinda overpriced.

Will be back here for more pizza for sure. 

From top:
1. Scorched Sweet Corn & Crabmeat with frisee, lime and mayo.
2. Chicken Parmigiana
3. Salmone & Spinach Pizza *thumbs up*

a month and few days after

Wow.. a month just flutterrred by since my last post here.

Let's see.. I've celebrated my 27th birthday, came back from my Bangkok vacation, met an old friend, manage to piss someone off, had a haircut, attended FOUR wedding dinners at four entirely different towns, handover two projects.. but yet did not update anything here at all.

Bad me. Oh well, I'm back.. I hope. Hehe..

Pix showing parts of how my month went through..

Need a desperate diet.

Fuck.