Tuesday, December 18, 2012

i have issues

Starting my Tuesday morning with "OMFG what's wrong with me?"
I really really reaaaaaaaaaaaally need some sleep. Good deep sleep.
I haven't been sleeping well lately. Like living almost vampire-ish life.
Waking up at odd hours during the night, staring at the dark ceiling....
The mind will start to spin like a goddamn whirlpool.
Think about this, wonder about that, what ifs, should haves, why what how who etc.
I want answers to my endless questions which duh.. no answers.
I hate to constantly having to think about it. I hate it. Hate it. Hate.
It's really an ohmyfuckinggod situation.
Have not been in this so-called insomnia problem since early last year.
I really need some good rest. Some really sink-in rest. Just a dreamless sleep. Sleep dead.
I can't be waking up wee hours in the morning when I can only dozed off about 2am? or 3am? Sleeping hours are the pest. 4 hours? 3 hours? wtf.

Worst was being a fucking lightsleeper. Any fucking sound, a soft vibrate on my phone, birds letting out their first morning chirp, bloody Mat Rempits riding off to work, a loud sneeze woke me up. Literally. And that killed my sleep tremendously.
That's it. I'm awake like nobody's business.
Abrupt wakes will make me feel agitated as ever. Feeling like preggars throwing hormonal tantrums everywhere but well I didn't. Alright maybe a little. Just a very uptight feeling in my chest.. hence I really need my sleep. I don't want to kill anybody. Metaphorically. I am clueless what's wrong with me.
Desperately. I just want to close my eyes and see nothing, feel nothing, think nothing.




No comments: