persistence

I felt a slap right on my face when I checked my phone this morning.
Yeah something that I was denying a little while ago just happened or happened few days ago that I didn't realized it until I saw it earlier and oh I felt stupid silly. Somehow I'm much more alert now. I hope I'm not assuming. At least be right, this time. I never felt this for the longest time and yes the are "repetitive results".

I guessed feelings fussed up too much before that I didn't see this coming or I'm simply living in denial. I hate the fact that sometimes I think too much up there in my scrawny brain that reality it won't happen. Ahh I'm not sure if I'm feeling relieved (a little) or upset that the same things are happening again.

I'm really unsure and I dare not ask hence dare not expect.
I have a jinxed habit where the more I want something to happen or imagined what would it be like if I had it, I'll totally lost it in reality. See why I always said expectation are not worth expecting?

I think too much. That's my trouble.
People ask me to hope and try. Hope and try?
I hate to be let down AGAIN.
Constant disappointments are killing. Demotivates almost everything for awhile.
Enough.

Some things are better kept unchecked unsaid, I mean.
Sometimes most things that you do not know.. it's better remain that way.

Now I asked myself.. "Am I really relieved now?"
A small part of me said no. not at all.
It's always easier to live in denial.