my horoscope verdict

Little thoughts : To measure the man, measure his heart.

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Came across this on the internet...

"Every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us"

No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me, I will always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me.
I am the creator of my own reality.
When I [review my day], I know that I must stop judging others.
If I judge others, I am probably judging myself.
Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher.
I have much to learn from him or her, and in my hearts, I should thank that person.

If I trust all these shits & make it my motto of life, I'm So F*CKING STUPID!!!~

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Today's horoscope verdict : Virgo

The Bottom Line
Move beyond old habits soon and you'll make some amazing, unexpected progress.

In Detail
Some of your old habits are getting a bit too old -- and they're not fitting into your lifestyle very well right now. Today your growing pains will start to make the changes you need to make clear to you. Adjusting your behavior is never easy, but if you look at the big picture and give yourself some small, attainable goals, it won't be as challenging as you fear. You need to focus on your personal growth as much as you can -- make yourself your top priority.

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Somehow.. it's kinda true.. hehe

good day~~

Little thoughts : Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it.

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HellO!!~
Today's mood was good.. well, till now.. it is hmm... still good!!~ So I think I won't sulk in my blog today like I've always did since errr.. I don't know when.



Was fidgeting with my baby rabbits just now.. SO damn cute.. 5 of them.. When I held one up, they'll like curl up in my palm like a white snow fur-ball, and they sleep.. They always sleep together.. tumbled against each other, scratching around..

Now as they're growing, I settled them in my old hamster cage.. used to put them in those red hamper baskets.. but now they starting to jump outta of the basket.. Sighh.. sometimes with all my study burden on my shoulders, I just take five to look at them.. Somehow it can ease me off.. Hmm.. wished how life can be as innocent as theirs.

Was doing my Tech drawings since morning till now. Damnit man.. Slept at around 4am & woke up this morning by 11.30am. Life's gonna be tough till 11Aug. Have to stop my Tech work by 6pm just now.. to start my design for tomorrow's crit at 9.30am (I didn't get to present last week 'cos not enough drawings & info.. unlucky me ).. but I took too much time to compile my measured-drawings (some posted below).. So it's like almost 10.45pm now & I'm sitting here, playing rabbits..

Measured drawings that are killing all of us. Looks easy? Ya rite.. wait till you get your hands on it. This is the old Chinese shophouse near the Klang KTM station that I really think it's eerie.. even during the day.

Now I'm still stuck with my design ideas. Supposedly to do my design now.. well, brain-jammed.. so do a little blogging first.. (cos Kelvin is like asking why haven't I post today, hehe) Thinking of doing a mock-up model later.. but hahah seems like I'm too lazy to even move..

I know you guys are keep pestering me to leave home for yum-cha & shopping sessions.. but I'm really so so sorry 'cos I really have got no time to spare for social activities.. and I'm currently SO broke. Hehe.. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you guys as soon as my finals are done. Okay??

Ok. I'll try my idiotic best to boost up my energy now to work my ass off.
See ya next post, people...
:P



I'm still trying to not think..

heartbroken

Little thoughts : it's really pathetic how I keep trying to hold onto something that is not coming backk.... and it FINALLY came to a point where my heart couldn't break anymoree....

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12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

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1 - IT'S REALLY NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!
No matter how heartbroken or distressed you are or how much pain you're in now, try to remember that, amazing as it may seem, THIS TOO SHALL PASS - - eventually. You will not always be in this much pain and sorrow. Time does have a way of healing us - though it can be hard to believe that when we're in the midst of feeling so hurt.

2 - IT'S HORRIBLE TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN - HORRIBLE.WE SYMPATHIZE COMPLETELY - BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN THERE!
Yes - let's acknowledge that what you're suffering is truly painful - difficult - hard to endure. We can sympathize because we've been there - and so have most people.

3 - REMEMBER, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
Do remember that most people have been there. Very few of us get out of adolesence without a number of stabs to the heart - and for some of us - those "stabs" were a frequent part of our young adult years. So, you're not alone.

4 - ALLOW YOURSELF TIME AND SPACE TO GRIEVE.
You need to feel your pain and sorrow for a while. Sure, go ahead and play that great music you danced to/made love to/laughed with - that brings back searing, haunting memories - that really gets to you - do all those things - for a while. Cry your eyes out - of course! - that's what heartbreak does to you - you cry a lot.

5 - BE GOOD TO YOURSELF NOW
Treat yourself to whatever will help you to feel better: a fragrant bath, a new pair of shoes, a therapeutic massage, Chinese take-out, a Broadway musical (we're writing this in New York City - but there are live shows and concerts pretty much everywhere these days) - whatever will cheer you up a bit and help you to feel just a touch "special"

6 - DO NOT FALL BACK ON ALCOHOL, DRUGS, CIGARETTES OR FOOD!
All of those are terrible things to do to your system (in excess) and we caution you to try to avoid getting back into any kind of previous habits you've had and managed to shake. There are better ways to cope with your loss!

7 - LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE
That's one thing you can get from even the worst experience - WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS? A great rabbi once said, you can learn something from everything, meaning there's no experience that can't teach you something worthwhile.

8 - DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.
Don't heap scorn on yourself for either being attracted to that person or for something you think you shouldn't have done. That won't help anyone! And don't trash your former lover, either. There must have been something nice/good/appealing about him/her or you wouldn't have fallen so hard, right?

9 - REMEMBER THAT IT USUALLY DOESN'T WORK TO DEPEND UPON ANOTHER PERSON FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.
As important as relationships are - and they are important - truly central to our lives - we all must find our own true selves and our own true paths in life - independent (to some extent) of our relationships.

10 - REMEMBER THERE ARE OTHER FISHES IN THE SEA - IT'S JUST A FACT OF NATURE.
Do you think Mother Nature would set up a system whereby there is only one single person in all the world who could make each one of us happy - when the world is such a gigantic place?

11 - RE-ESTABLISH, RE-AFFIRM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
There's nothing like good, warm, understanding, loving and lovable friends after a heartbreak.

12 - TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY...AND - THIS TOO SHALL PASS
- believe me - THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

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There are more for me to find out.
There are more for me to see..
There are too much for me to understand..
The tears I wish to wipe away,
will soon run unchecked for another dayy..
Sighh... that is the price I need to pay..

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Actually.. it was all just a messy dilemma that never wished to happen..

goodbyee~~

you came faster than the wind.. left sooner than the waves hit the rocks..
leaving with no traces... not a single trace at all..



shall i bid you farewell?

.....

MHS times..

Little thoughts : It's just not what you say, but how you show it... It's just not what you say, but why you say it... Disappointment everyday... :'(

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I was browsing thru the friendster & ter-saw my high school (MHS) junior's friendster picture (below). They're all wearing school uniform.. Gotong-royong lagi.. Awww.. serious missed high school times man.. So many memories.. Sad, bad, happy, crazyy etc etc & the list goes on & onn...

Juniors' (Emery) pic.. during their gotong-royong work.. see.. so innocent.. so happy.. so NO burden..

Form 3 - 1998.. Look at all the bloody innocent faces.. We even form some stupid five-in-a-gang thingyy.. The TF5... The Fantastic Five.. HAhahhaHHHA LOL.. we do talked bout it now.. & we laughed our ass off.. bloody embarassingg..

High school.. Serious. Lotsa craps happened..

Truant, falling in & out of love.. so puppy..
How Eric drew my breath away..
How he wacked Aik Loong up & caused himself detention for a week in the school's office.
How Ms Tham, Ms Jaya & all lectured me on how NOT a good boyfriend material he was for me.. How we argued in canteen...

How we hugged & held hands at fourth floor stairwell..
How Matthew yelled *FarrK you!!** to SheahMei & how she replied.. *Come LAR!!* which shuts him up & the whole bloody school laughed like hell..
How I got elected as a prefect who was so not perfect..

How we displayed our bra colours through our thin uniform fabric..

How we were so crazy with Evita Peroni products & so brand-conscious..

How we cari pasal with other school students on Leo charity dinners..
How we steal test tubes & the gas bunsen from Bio Lab..
How me & LayFong won the state district Geography scrapbook twice in a row.. FIRST lagi..
How they brought beer to school in Thermos..
How we used to ponteng in chapel easily because Cass was the president...
How the POL teacher chased Janice around the class because she threw chalk at her ass.. SIghhhh....

I really wanna go back to high school sometimes..
Where you won't have to face that much complications in life..
And that you don't have to wake up early morning wondering what to wear.. to work? or to class?
How you don't have to really fall for a guy & got rejected or heartbroken?
How you don't have to face financial problems or working your ass off for a conceited boss??
How you won't have transportation problems? DEADLINES problems..
Worst. Human complications c/w fucking obstacles came knocking you down your feet everytime when you finally gonna see some results of your life..
Moving into adultery is NOTHING but STRESS!!!~

I miss CHILDHOOD!!!!

deadlines

Little thoughts : When I almost lost hope.. giving up.. in fact.. gave up... you.. youu... SiGHhhhh.. Why??

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Done with Manifesto today.. Will upload the pics soon..
Tomorrow Minor. Haven't done shits yet..
Thursday.. Interim Crit for design.. & final layouts for Tech Measured Drawings..

One question...
Why is my fucking life so filled with deadlines?!

One answer...
Because I'm so fucked-up.. that's why..

One bottom-line..
Enough Said!~ Goodnight.

adapted poem

Little thoughts : Sometimes I wonder.. I may have a lot of problems to solve, either personal, friends or studies.. and that I'm killing myself inside.. but then.. just I've realised that there are more people out there with even more complicated problems.. So I guess I'm not the only one sulking. And I need to move on.

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said he loves her, a bit too much...
said he cares, more than he can handle...
said he'll wait, from now to whenever...
said he'll never give up...

don't you already know?
it's a dream...
she doesn't really exist...
don't you already know?
it's a dream...
she's not worth it...

said she can't, all jaded inside...
said she won't, ever be the same again...
said she'll run, away from this...
said she'll forget in an instant...

don't you already know?
it's a dream...
he needs someone better...
don't you already know?
it's a dream...
he was never meant for her...

never...

our feelings fooled..

Little thoughts : To feel you or not to feel you? To want you or not to want you? To forget you or not to forget you??

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You know.. how funny our lives can be.. or should I say emotions.. feelings?? or how we're been a fool ourselves?

When we see happy things, we smiled..
When we see sad things, we'll cry..
When we got irritated, we'll definitely pissed off..
But what if.. we don't know what we are feeling?
In this certain one second, we smiled, then next.. WHAM!! we felt sad.. so sad that words can no longer describe... then.. we opened up.. felt better.. like everything has cleared up, free ourselves from the dilemma, then.. just as we're back to our normal self again.. we crackedd up!!~

So what is this all about? I doubt that no one never felt this way before. It's like.. sometimes you can't even decide what you want to feel.. Let's say.. you hate this thing.. you can just look away or close your eyes.. but feelings??! it's so deep in you that it's hard for you to control. You're sad... but you have to LIE to yourself that everything is fine, u'r just sensitive.. it's nothing..So finally you felt better.. But the truth is that.. you're still sad. Whenever the same thought hit you twice at the same spot, you'll feel worst and the process of healing takes even a longer time.

If you have problems on your own, how can I bring myself to you, to help me with mine? I might sometimes really need an extra ear to hear me out.. But what can you do? First time, you might offer me your thoughts, then 2nd time.. your opinions.., 3rd time.. your problems.., 4th time.. 5th.. 6th.. *silencezz*... So what's the point? I know there's a limitation in everyone & that's why I didn't want to be an extra burden. I don't want to lose anything from you. I really appreciate all that you have done & to bring in a new look of friendship in my life. Remember I've once said.. easy come easy go.. that's why.. now that "you" have gone.. i'm left with nothing.. nil.. zilch..

Sigh..

Conclusion..
At times.. I have no choice..
but to keep my everything..
in me..

Sorry..

A reason, A season and A lifetime

Little thoughts : The heart has it's reasons, whereof reason knows nothing.

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A reason, A season and A lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend too you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for once being a part of my life...

farking cry baby

Little thoughts :
- I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I like, and I can't afford to let you go.
- Why is it that just when I hear from you, I'll forget all the pain you have caused me before, I was glad, then you made me feel like the pain has doubled-up again. Why?... Is that intentionally?

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I just found out something that I did not expect & never wanted to know.
Why did you have to tell me?
I felt like crying now..
Was hurt again.
Stabbed hard at the same wound.
Tears filling up fast..
I cried.

sleeping hours suck

Little thoughts : Wondering why I like u, why I miss u.. It's like a disease.. where only u can cure me..

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Sleeping almost 4am everyday. I must be nuts. Why? You asking me why??
1. Can't sleep. Too many craps in my head.
2. Assignments loading up. Soon to the end of semester.
3. Problems.. Never-ending problems

Seriously, why is my life such a mess lately & how I turned into a perfect wuss? Sometimes I maybe kinda comfort myself by thinking.. my life ain't that bad anyway.. I have my friends around me.. family there for me.. everything was typically plainly fine. But.. then.. sometimes emotional breakdowns, all the WHYs start appearing in front of my eyes, I saw red, friends betraying.. social rejections, study stress.. loneliness that are unbearable. Probably these are just the few of parts & parcel of life. Obstacles blocking our fucking way towards 'success'.

Darn. If god just let us gloat through a long walkway with lesser obstacles, then maybe lesser people will commit suicide. Eerr.. don't get me wrong k. I won't die so easily YET. Still a lot of freaking things I've not done yet. I haven't GET you yet.. Lol. Scary shits.

Anyway.. design finals are really coming. I think I've been mentioning about this very much often lately but I just couldn't get it through my head. What I really look forward now is holidays! I really really really almost just let it all out last week when the deadlines were killing me. "Where are you when I really needed you?" was running in my head, working on its stamina as seconds ticked by.

Another thing was that.. Daryle surpised me yesterday. We were like talking, then suddenly she said, "You're quite emotional these days." I was stunned. I mean I'm still my crazy self outside but she can really see that through. I was like.."Err.. How you know? Is it THAT obvious??" Sheesshh man. Serious. I ought to take drama classes, if not, I think there will be more statements like that to come.

Okays. That's it so far for today. Kinda lazy to elaborate more. Have to continue on my tech drawings. Wish me luck guys!! Muaks~


ps : I really do appreciate that there's a ton of ppl who really cares bout me. But I really do hope that it's REAL. If you don't mean it, please don't tell me that you do. No offense but I'm done it with the fakers.

today bad? guess so..

Little thoughts : You're the reason I fall asleep with tears in my eyes. Don't tell me you like me unless you really mean it coz I might do something crazy like "believe it"~

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Finals crawling nearer & nearer. Where can I hide myself??

Today's Project Management presentation was not bad. I was freaking myself out last night because it was a bloody 50% assignment. But fortunately, everything turned out well. I presented like as if the whole Tebrau management was horrible.. Haha. Kelvin helped me with my conclusion.. the cartoon-simple kind. Thanks to his problematic line that he couldn't send me the final outlook for it. SiGhh.. But still.. GOOD job. Hehe.

Tomorrow Building Science exam. Lagi-lagi subjective. Shit man. How to do!?! I've got entire no mood at all because my mind is so FAR FAR FAR away. Nevertheless, I'll probably be working on these 2 topics.. which are..

Biodiversity
2. Biodiversity Convention signed in Rio de Janeiro, 1992 is one of the major international treaty under the UNESCO effort to protect the ecological balance. Write about its significance to human race as part of sustainability aspect. (15%)

Sustainability
6. The following terms often appeared related to sustainable design. Discuss them by giving examples to explain the definition, and how it is used to measure the degree of sustainability. (15%)
- Reduction, Reuse and Recycle

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Today kinda emotion wise isn't a good one. Wasn't a good day at all. End said.

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Hereby I want to declare that I don't have a relationship problem because I'm NOT even in a relationship. I'm just thinking nonsense. But seriously thanks a lot that you guys cared...

backwards life

Little thoughts : I miss the way you laughed, I miss the way we talked, I miss the times we had, I miss the love we shared, but most of all I miss the way you cared.

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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. Whats that, a bonus?!?
I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first; get it out of the way.
Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back,
you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap,
then you finish off as an orgasm!!
Amen~


Fuck man.. God is playing me like nobody's business.

dreams? opposite?

Little thoughts : He can make me laugh a thousand laughs but he kills me inside...

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The 2 different sides of me for this weekend..

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Slowly I'm encompassed by the overwhelming weight of the physical world around me. A haze of fatigue and depression steal my emotions. I'm stuck in this reality of trapped existence. I ache for that moment deep in the the belly of my soul when I was under the seas.

Trapped, and isolated through an abysmal greyness of melancholy, the lonely girl peered through its cage towards the world outside.

If only I could be in that world outside then I would truly be free....

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I had a dream last night. So sweet. So nice.
Just then I realised..
Dreams are always the opposite intepretation of the reality..
Like how magic sometimes can be an illusion..
Now, I'm really crushed.

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ps : These are a few weird "words" flying in my mind so frequent recently. Don't understand? Never mind.. I just wanna post up 'indirectly' though. It's only for myself to know anyway..
And Kev, if you are reading this, I maybe crazy sometimes but I really appreciate what you've done & how you stood by me through it. Thanks LKJ.

have i lost it?

Little thoughts : I dropped my heart in a puddle today and he came and picked it up, brushed it off and ripped it apart again and all I could do was stand there and watch...

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Bottled up inside are..
the words I never said..
the feelings that I hide..
and the the lines you've never read...

Felt like I've lose it.. but then thinking back..
I can't lose something I never had & never knew..

everything happening at once..

Little thoughts : Sometimes you just cannot act as if nothing happened & just let the day went by. Things are hanging in midair like they always do; why not we just try to figure it out rather than just let it be?? The question is.. Till when?? No matter what the conclusion is, we still gotta face it sooner or later. I had enough of you flipping me like a weather report.

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I really don't know what to blog today. Life at school was okay. Presentation was fine. No one knew we had to produce site analysis slides. Thought was only brief discussion like how we did for EMC. Anyway.. it's all over now. But some shits are really bothering me, killing me slowly, squeezing the last few breath outta me. Everything is like happening at once.. I'm not a dried-up sponge that you can keep on soaked me with.. I need TLC!!!! not stress.. I HAD enough!!!~~

- Raymond's leaving this October.
- Farah's quitting course.
- Finals coming.
- Thinking of 'someone' who soon won't exist in my page. :'(
- Overcoming my own fears.

About Raymond, my best bastard is leaving for NewZie. Sigh. I really really felt it. He was there almost everytime I needed him. Almost not always. Our life schedule is the total opposite. But anyway, realizing that he’s gonna leave so soon really breaks me into pieces. Though we don't meet as often, but I still feel that he'll there for me when I really needed him, and that he's still here… somewhere close. Sort of reachable in a few minutes drive. But now that he's gonna be so far off, and he doesn't wants to come back (he hates it here).. I'm really devastated. I told him that day that I might really miss him like crazy.. I even had tears trapped in my eyes. He just brushed me off, saying.. "No big deal ok?? It won’t make any difference.." I was dumbstruck. Of course it makes a difference. It's like you’re not even here anymore.. I really don't want to undergo the feeling of losing another someone close. We will never get romantically involved but he's just someone really special to me. Though I didn't tell him. He won't believe it cos I screwed him up too much at times.

Farah.. Sigh.. This sexy babe. Really gonna kill her. It's like almost reaching the end of sem & now she wants to quit. Daryle, Phoenix & me.. we did coaxed her & spend every ticking stressing minute to advice her, help her overcome her situation that she couldn't handle the stress. But now she's really giving up. My group projects with her all went down the drain. I'm not being selfish that all I cared was the group projects, but I really want her to stay & we can do this together. She claimed that she is scared, nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, low self-confidence etc etc etc.. the list went on & on & on.. I was like come on!! I'm also like that.. just that I don’t show it out appearance wise. I'm scared but I pushed myself for it. I strived for it because though my confidence is slowing down, but I know deep within I CAN. Who the fuck is not SCARED!!! Design is so subjectivee!! So now.. sigh.. I really tensed up with all the group project deadlines. Damn.

Finals coming.. Fuck it la. Sweat over it or not.. I still gotta fucking face it. So might as well, try to enjoy it.

Thinking? Someone? I'm speechless dy. It's like a soap.. once you hold on to it, it slips outs your hands in no time.. but when you're not ready for it.. it.. just.. I seriously never felt this way for a long time.. never wanted to get it started.. but somehow.. you made me.. I.. sighh.. whatever.. let bygones be bygones..

Overcoming my own fears?? I'm getting bitchier day by day.. Throwing temper tantrums.. Shit.. Really have to get hold of myself.. I really ought to look forward for my upcoming holidays but have to go through all my finals & exams first.



I feel angry
I want to hurt them, like they hurt me
Make them feel, like they had made me feel
How come some things are so easy for some people
If only things could be so easy for me

That is..
If only..

I asked myself...

Little thoughts : I saw your face in a crowded place, I don't know what to do cause I'll never be with you.. how is it that when you like someone they don't like you back? Hence, today I felt I reached my limit, that I'm finally letting go.. but will I still think that same tomorrow?

-----

I asked myself...

Getting answers?
Getting responses?
Getting hints?
Getting anywhere?
Getting what you want?
Getting what you need?
Getting what you hope?
Getting any affections?
Getting respect?
Getting held back?
Getting the truth?
Getting TLC?
Getting someone?

The same face I'm looking at for 21 years, 2 months & 19 days replied...
Guess what.
NO

somehow it wasn't even THAT surprising...

Numbness isn't a stranger to me anymore.

finally relieved a bit ~~

Little thoughts: I want neither surprises, nor sweet talks; I just want consistency in you. Is it even possible? If anyone accused me of being heartless, it's only because you have it.

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A huge huge relief off my shoulders today. Thank god. Theories presentation was done. Almost 60 slides & presented for almost an hour half. SuKoh was commenting that we did mentioned a couple of irrelevant issues but overall it was a good effort. Felt so so so relaxed after the class but DAMN.. gotta start on my Manifesto due end of the month. Wanna book Sukoh for a tutorial this coming Thursday with Daryle, but he suggested that it’ll be better if we email him our ideas by this week. Sigh. Verbal tutorial will be so much easier than typing it out in exact words.

Was happy too that Building Science b/w photographs were finally printed & handed in but still without perspec.

Nobody's Listening
Peep the style and the kids checking for it
The number one question is
How could you ignore it
We drop right back in the cut
Over basement tracks
With raps that got you backing this up like

We're just rolling with the rhythm
Rise from the ashes of stylistic division
With these non-stop lyrics of life living
Not to be forgotten
But still unforgiven
But in the meantime there are those who wanna
Talk this and that
So I suppose it gets to a point feelings gotta get hurt
And get dirty with the people spreading the dirt

Try to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
[Told you everything loud and clear]
But nobody's listening
Call to you so clearly
But you don't want to hear me
[Told you everything loud and clear]
But nobody's listening

I got a
Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger
Held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear


My write-up for the pictures.. Got a few more but I didn't load up all. Thanks to Kelvin, the 'scanner'MAN.. (not Kelvin lecturer) who helped me to find these song lyrics. Why 'scanner'man? Go ask him what it means. LOL.

The shocking crap today that I could still hardly digest was that.. I got my results for last week’s Theory exam.. Hahah.. I got 75% wor.. hmm.. Not that bad ler.. since the highest marks was only 80%. Moreover I only studied like hours before the exam started. Did went through the notes previous night but just couldn’t get it into my head. Ok.. enough with history.. What’s next on my list?

12/7 (morn) Build. Sc - 5 b/w photographs & a write-up
12/7 (morn) Minor - Final Sketch
13/7 (aft) Design ST. 3 - Concept & Site Analysis Presentation
13/7 (aft) Tech - 10 b/w photographs
17/7 (both) Design ST. 3 - Crit & tutorial
18/7 (morn) Proj. Management - Full Report & Presentation
19/7 (morn) Build. Sc - Subjective Exam
20/7 (morn) Tech - All old shophouse drawings to be completed. Services tutorial.
25/7 (aft) Theories - Manifesto Presentation
26/7 (aft) Minor – Sketches Submission
* Proj. Management & Theories & Design exam to be confirmed *

SHIT~
I NEED A FooKING BREAK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

exhibition is bodohh sial..

Little thoughts : I just need more time. I need my space. My privacy. Why can't you just let me have it? Why don't you understand such a simple thing? Seriously if this goes on, I'm dying inside.

-----

Went to the Dex exhibition today with Yvonne.
Only 4 hours of sleep.
Rush. Hurry. Heat. Weather. Drowsy. Headache.
So many deadlines.
Stressed to the max.
I'm killing myself slowly.
Fuck. Help me.

friends.. or not?

Little thoughts : Love can make me do some crazy things... but what's really crazy is not being held in your arms....

-----

Today was a good day initially. Was booked for the whole afternoon with Daryle, Farah & Phoenix for our so-dead uncle Frank Lloyd Wright presentation compilation. Was there super early but fortunately Daryle came early & we chatted while fagging. Why I said that today was a good day is because of the 'feeling' friends can really made me feel..

Somehow or rather, I never felt that, seriously, close bonding between course-mates that can develop so fast within just months of my first semester in UCSI. No offense to Limkokwing friends but it really took some time for us to all really open up. Remember our first all-out gathering was actually our farewell night. *frowns* Really kinda miss Angela, Veron & Berny.

Today with them was more like a 'releasing tension' day. Supposedly we're to discuss about our notes but instead we're more into like opening up our hearts & voicing out what had actually bothered us that much on study stress etc.. but we still got our work done.

So.. sometimes it's good to open up to our friends, because we never know that all of us on the table were actually thinking of the same thing. We had our opinions out, our sad talk, unsatisfying treats, anger, problems, family matters & etc. Farah cried.. which seriously scared the hell outta me. But it was okay in the end.. we were there for each other.. and somehow it did made me feel warm all over that friends do care. No matter new friends or old buddies, learn to trust & be genuine, try opening up & you'll never know what the end results might be. It might even be better that you expect. If it's not, just take it as a lesson on how well u 'judge' people.

Friends do come & go but memories do stay. So today.. I cherished each & all my friends who were really there for me when I was down. Thank you buds.

stop hoping

Little thoughts : Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, and you meant nothing to him.

-----

berhenti berharap

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu terangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...
-
aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kusalutkan..
kemenanganmu

kau ajarkan aku bahagia
kau ajarkan aku derita
kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
kau tunjukkan aku derita

kau berikan aku bahagia
kau berikan aku derita

finally.. a good night-out..

Little thoughts : With every bit of you, you cleared up all the mess in my life.. With nothing from you, you're the cause of my biggest misery.

-----

Phew!!~ Luckily LinLin suggested the Port Klang site to me today for my Environmental Issue Photography submission.. If not, I would have ended at Sri Petaling, not knowing where to take the KLIA Dedicated Highway pics. I called Spy up, and fortunately again, he knew where was this highway I was talking about. It was at Jalan Kem. Highway that linked from North Port to Shah Alam, Cheras & KLIA. And seriously ought to thank Kwangli for suggesting the highway issue. Hehe..

I have no idea that highway was built so bloody near the shoplots. I was like.. errr.. I dunoo.. but it was hell man. I went there, pulling my sister along with me.. kinda freaked out that there was a lot of Indian dudes around that area.. it was like only both of us are females.. So quickly snapped some pics & ran off from lots to lots.. Wasn't that bad though.. Quite happy that I can get my B.Science issue done..

After Huay-Pin 'korek' me out from my nest for a movie with her & Raymond. Finally I'm outta of my shell. Watched "Fast & Furious - Tokyo Drift".. was late for the movie cos it was stated at 9.20pm but started at 9pm.. I was like.. WhAT!?! Sat three row from the screen.. sighhh!!~ Wasn't that bad though.. But several fast angle shots kinda make me dizzyy...

Then went yum cha with ChoonWee, Ray, ImKiat, Yvonne & Huay-Pin le of course at Central. It's been sometime since I yum cha with them dy.. After tonight, only I realised I really missed hanging out with my friends since I've started working last year & back to studies too.. Shits.
Seriously wanna boost up my social activities again, but time just doesn't allow me to.. Too many assignments pouring in.. causing me lack of even time for myself...

And now gotta head back to work. Almost 2am dy. Bloody Uncle Frank Lloyd Wright's presentation.

Little Thoughts : Love is the one thing so misunderstood... simply because most people don't get the love they deserve, right?

-----

Sometimes unintentionally, sometimes deliberately...
Sometimes when you least expect it, it'll come to you...

1st Amateur tarot reading

Little thoughts :
I think about him every day and night. I just can't get him out my head, I told him everything he needed to know. Now I am waiting for him to tell me what he's thinking. Last night I dreamt... that the next thing I know I open my door and he's there. He hugs me and I knew it was love.

-----

Hmm.. finished my theories exam today.. another burden off my shoulders.. And got my management results today.. well, wasn't that bad cos I didn't really digest what I read the da before. 72%. Haha.. Compared to Chloe.. Err.. Not that great le.

So after watching the video on 'Charles & Ray Eames Architecture' for Theories class, Chloe took out her tarot cards as Daryle wanted to try out. Got a sharp torn in her heart that she seriously need time to heal. After her turn, I wanted to try out. No biggie rite? I mean.. hhaha Chloe is like just practising her skills cos she didnt explore the cards for sometime dy.. Moreover.. just amateur tarot card reader.

My question was -

Will it be?

After shuffling clockwise, I drawed 5 cards. Can't remember what those cards were, I knew it was not positive, but the interpretation were..
- recently my emotions were very unstable.
- I think too much, unnecessary thoughts that might cause negativity.
- There will be many obstacles to face in order to make 'it' possible
- There's a 'thorn' keep poking me in my family.
- I might not be ready for 'it'. Physically & mentally stressed.
- Not much hope for 'it'
- To change my (question's) fate, I ought to NOT think too much, just let my thoughts flow to whats' necessary. I HAVE to change my thoughts. But I couldn't help myself to NOT.

My conclusion.. my self-confidence is zero.

I almost cried. Though it wasn't accurate cause I wasn't concentrating that much & that Chloe just practising her skills but the 'truth' hurts. To the max. A little part of me already knew the real truth, hence expecting it already. By even asking it through a tarot reading, (though by an amateur).. it STILL hurts.

Tears finally flowed freely once I left school.

Not to be emo? I doubt that will happen.

site visit to Changkat

Little Thoughts :
The sky is grey. Is it about to rain? I'm feeling the same way. I want there to be rain so it can wash away my frustrations.

-----

Went to site today. Finally took a public bus there.. Eiiu.. All kinds of people, not knowing if they're Malay or Bangla or Burmese or Indian.. Can't really differentiate.. It was a bumpy ride, and that's why I always prefer taking train rather than bus. Cabs are okay but the drivers, if u'r unlucky enough, u'll meet jack-asses.. Today was to teman Phoenix.. so it was still ok.. If i'm alone, I'll never take public bus, moreover I don't know how.. =P

Sat next to this guy (not pure Malay I think.. probably not Malaysian even..) he was like glancing at what I'm reading cos I brought my Theory notes along.. then he was like holding this magazine about bollywood stars & gossips... Super sexy & exotic posing.. Big tits & muscular guys.. He just keep staring.. wonder what he was thinking.. Hehe

While waiting for Farah at KLCC, supposedly she fetched us to site. Phoenix & I went in to Avenue K. Heard that it was the best designed shopping mall.. Hmm.. nothing much yet. But I like it wor.. Hehe..

The site.. Another crazy old all-broken apartment kinda of look.. It's like er... Lily Apartment in Kelana Jaya kind. The inside was like.. those Hongkong street rooms above shoplots? Get what I mean ar? Anyway I'll be loading the pics when I get it from the rest. My camera konked out dyy.. Sad.

After site, I was taking the train back.. LRT to KL Central, then KTM back Klang. Farah dropped me at Damai LRT cos nearer to her home. Serious shit.. For the first time in months, I bloody freaked out. It was so quiet.. Nobody was there except a few guys keep staring at me when I walked past them & the counter girls. Shit man. It's like dark, dirty & kinda stinky too.. The LRT platform was even worst. NOBODY at all.. seriously freaked me off man. After waiting for awhile, just as the train approached, an Indian guy walked up. Walking & looking and all-smiley face.. YEerrr!!! Nightmare larr!!!!

I'm supposed to study for my Theories exam tomorrow but yet I'm still bloggin. Gotta kick some ass tonight dy....

cherating trip

I'm back from Penang. Nothing special ler.. Just like the previous trip. So I finally found some time to load up some of the pics from Cherating.. but then, I haven get SuKoh's pics yet..

Anyway.. I kinda lazy to elaborate much though.. Haha.. Can actually pick up some from the previous post on my postcards. Hehe.. Ok. Was there at this so-called cherating resort in Kuantan.. LisNaRee Resort, if I'm not mistaken. 3 days, 2 nights with the whole Architecture Dept. They called it the SAMS workshop. SAMS - School of Architecture, Management & Surveying... We're all there to test our first assignments.

-

Foundation - Sandcastle & Castaway shelter

Archi Deg - Floating Objects

Int. Archi Deg - Flying Objects

-

First.. just about to reach the resort, we stopped by Bukit Goh to have our lunch. Sigh.. I really wonder if we're actually having our lunch or the FLIES having us. It wasn't dirty but it was filled with flies... Serious shit. Totally tore my appetite away..

Then again.. false alarm. We thought our next destination after the horrible lunch would be our resort. Mana tau.. Site visit.. to this so-called Malay traditional concept Impiana Resort.. which I seriously think is ridiculous!!! Lousy finishing, eeerie corridors, smelly banquet halls, washrooms with 'Pakcik' & 'Makcik' signs. Shhesshh.. And expensive too.. No point staying there.. So NOT worth ur cash.

1. The lobby. (We were like all standing around looking at the 'architecture'. Was so not interested but no choice, we have to take picture for our final assignment tutorials) 2. The rooms & suites block.


Diana (Head of IA dept) looked so genuine in this pic. Nice.


Most of the students all crammed into the rooms as the lobby guy showed us around, bringing us into 'pretty' suites, twins, deluxe & etc. You seen one, you seen it all..

Checked in by 4.15pm FINALLY. But.. gotta meet up at 4.45pm by the lobby & heading to the beach to play some games.. sort of to break the ice. And I forgot about finding my 'kids' as what Diana told us before our bus rides as she handed us the list of our group members. We, as seniors (hahaha) had the priviledge to guide the foundations students with our icebreaker games & their sandcastle assignment later on the next day.

-

What we played was not that bad. The first was that we have to remember everyone's name in like 10 minutes. Then if you can't, you gotta go over to the opponent's group. My group was against Iwan's. Then I lost la. Haha.. Then we teamed up & worked against Annie & Chloe's. And we've WON!! ahhaha... As you can get along, it was pretty HIGH.. hahaha.. The bonding between us & the juniors grew rapidly & it was a good thing. I didn't expect myself to have that much fun but.. everything was cool. But we did kinda doubt our own leadership 'skills' ahaha.. as what Chloe said later on. But it was okay. More like friends than demending dictator. Haha..

Redzwan. My design lecturer. Got the balloon with flour in it which he had to burst it on his head. Kelvin, SuKoh & a few juniors had their watergun ready to aim.. Hehe

1. Basheer.. Super contrasting between the flour & his face. ahhaa.. Lawrence, Sean's younger brother happily bombarding everyone with his flour face. Don't let him near the flour...!!~ It'll be flour snow..

2. The group of lecturers. (From left - Diana, Baizura, Redzwan, Zaiton, Kelvin) Sukoh & Teoh wasn't in this pic. Linlin absent from this trip. Seriously.. they're very pro in UNI, but somehow during this trip, everyone transformed. Haha. Kelvin was back to his jovial kind. Redzwan was the least expected mannnn... Rollin' on the sand with 2 waterguns, running around... playing frisbee.. hahah back to his youth period, I guess...

-

Ok. Cutting off the dinner session. Free time. Me, Farah & Phoenix was sharing a room. Then, Daryle came in with Chloe. We started chatting.. then TUNG came in.. We were talking about some personal girls matter & yet he was sleeping on our next bed, not sure whether was he eavesdropping or sleeping. Iwan was sleeping dy in his room. Then I kicked Tung out & we continue chatting. Haha.. Girls' Talk. It was nice. Bring us closer actually. Good, fun HilARous night-out.

-

On the same time, we were actually waiting for the clock to strike 12. Cos it was Iwan's 24th birthday. We talked till we were all speechless & tired.. we slept. Lucky Daryle & Tung woke us up. Planned him a surprise party. Wanted to throw him into the pool but his room was quite far. Ours was just in front of the pool. There was no cake around, so we fried 3 eggs & got a big free candle from the receptionist.

1.Haha. This big boy (kononlar almost cried.. when we bashed in).. He totally had no clue bout it. He was halfnaked, mending his kite for tomorrow when all of us just rushed in with the eggs & singing the bday song. He was so cute.. with his sound effects & all, he faster dressed up & sat there. Haha. Juniors, our class, the architecture friends were almost all there. He was kinda touched actually. 2. We took our class group photo. (Clockwise from iwan - Me, Tung, Farah, Chloe, Daryle & Phoenix) Annie went back to sleep, & Antish the one above was one of the juniors - intruder to our class pic.. hehe..

Next morning, helping the juniors to start off their sandcastle. We've got no idea on how to make a bloody simple square sandcastle & yet they're making us build castles with theme like.. Snow White castle, Shrek, Sleeping Beauty & so LUCKY my group - LORD OF THE RINGS!!!

I looked at the pic, Charlotte & Fanson showed me, I went gaga. WAhhHH.. so hard.. hehehe.. so detailed.. so BIG. Then again, 'Never try, never know'... We did.. and we're completed it just as Kelvin said - Times' up!!- I was quite happy, we did it.. but I was all burnt!!!! From 10am - 2pm, under the burning sun. Sunblock also wasn't helping much.. :`(

1. The front elevation. Haha. Main facade of our castle. Err.. obviously, we modified it a bit la.. Definitely we can't make the real one.. but the concept was still there.. We even had a mini pool where we threw some lil' crabs in it. 2. Suddenly, Kelvin came.. he was the co-ordinator for the juniors. Boo was putting the sunblock onto his backk... Aiyerr.. so gay.. but Kelvin is very fair la.. serious.. hahaha..


1. Presentation time.. Fanson was presenting our castle after lunch, everyone crowding to watch. I wasn't there cos I was busy preparing my kite to fly after their presentation. 2. The whole sandcastle.. but doesn't look much like the Lord of the Rings huh? Haha.. but our group WON the sandcastle-making competition...!!! so doesn't matter le.. ahhahahhaa..

Other castles.. Cannot remember which was which or belongs to whose group..


Then, the floating objects by Victor's class. Architecture. COol. They had to built a floating object, then the lecturer's gonna put flour on it.. to see which sink first. The red arrow pointed.. the FLOUR!! It belonged to Basheer's group. The 3rd pic.. TengWai's group. Who won? Basheer's!!! Can tahan up to 6kg of flour while TengWai's only till 4kg I think.

Our group photo with our KITES!!!! Look nice? Half of ours all can't fly.. HAHHAHahaha... Mine flew like awhile then crashed on the sand pretty badly.. The wind rhythm wasn't right. But I was super happy that at least it can fly up & rotate!!! Mine was a rotor kite!! hehehehe.. Iwan's couldn't fly. Annie's I'm not that sure.. Phoenix - nice design but couldn't fly. Farah's too.. Tung.. Pecah straight - his kite 'walked' not fly.. LOL.. Chloe - cannot also.. Daryle's?! WINNER!! Her prize was.... IKEA's stool.. ahhaha better than nothing la rite??


1. Daryle's kite.. Fly so high.. 2. Haha.. Iwan.. explaining the 'sunat' before & after during lunch.. ahhahaha.. back to sex education. I think Phoenix or Daryle brought the topic up.. Hehe..

Nice beach hangout after the whole tiring day!! At least the beach was clean.

Dinner. Prize-giving ceremony. We tied our lanterns up on trees (made by evening) & some float. Can see mine? The one behind. Haha.. can float.!!!! Blek~

Sleeping timee!!!!!!!!! After a late-mamak session, they lagi went for a swim in the pool, I was in my room, talking, watching tv & SMS-ing. Heheh.. Very tiredd.. Serious!!! Exhausted to the max!!

We stopped by the turtle's centre or whatever you called it. Nothing much to see le.. the process of turtles lay eggs till the hatchings.. we can get it from our textbooks. So nothing special le.. just for the first time of my life, I've seen the turtles LIVE.

Second stop.. Keropok lekor stall. Bought a few for my mom to fry. Haha.. Nothing much actually.. just a small stall. Then we were at the sourvenir shop.. Aiyerr.. Tipu money.. Nothing special yet cost like hell. And I was like wondering why are they selling 'Welcome to Redang' stuff when we're like in Kuantan?!?!? Hmmm....

-

Bus Ride home. Was peaceful till Iwan woke up from his sleep.. Hahah.. some crazy thing did happen.. He & his crazy ideas.. superbb!!! hilarous shits man..

me, farah & him behind..

Hahaha.. another of Iwan's funny prank.. no idea what Phoenix & Chloe were doing.. hahahha Errr.. they did NOT kiss at all..


1. Iwan & chloe. 2. Me & him.. Hahahha.. No worries.. none three of our lips touched!! We took a few shots to get the 'smooching' scenes correct.. Laughin our ass out behind man.. We were like.. "what if the bus suddenly braked??" It was quite bumpy cos we were like sitting way at the back of the bus...

These pics.. I'm speechless.. Overall.. the trip was FUN.. though now assignments were coing in like crazyyy.. The trip wasn't quite what I expected. I thought it was going to be like another high-school excursion or something.. Well, despite I get my sunburnt & dirty food.. it was like.. I got to make more friends, bringing our class bonds nearer.. to see some real colours.. enjoyed secrets shared.. Seriously, you can't judge a book by its cover.. It's so shocking to hear some 'personal' news deep within that totally opposite from the appearance.. hahahha

Anyway.. was good. Kelvin even printed up some pictures of WANTED CRIMINALS & posted on the dept. bulletin board.. those kids that threw flour at him & attacked him by the beach.. ehehhe..

*if u want more pics, those posted earlier sorta connected with my precious post on my design postcards*

Overall, well-enjoyed! Bringing my youth back.. Wahahaha..